Stop carrying on! That’s the SPIRIT

When my great Uncle Schlomo

 passed away in Atlantic City, I wanted to bury him here in Massachusetts. So I simply waited until he stiffened, put him into a long duffel bag and carried him on board my Spirit Airlines flight.

  I then stuffed him in the overhead bin and brought him back AT NO ADDITIONAL CHARGE to be buried .

Mea culpa…it could be my fault ,but Spirit has just announced that they are charging  $45.00 for any piece of carry-on that doesn’t fit under the seat in front of you.


 They have some nerve and this could be a real problem for me personally as Schlomo’s wife, Aunt Hadassah, isn’t looking too well these days either .


 Spirit is blaming the passengers, but in reality, they and the other airlines  are much at fault. They haven’t exactly been using that  ‘sizer’ that says, “if it doesn’t fit in here, check it” .

  Hence, human nature being what it is, people’s carry-ons have gotten larger and larger to the point where bobsleds, anvils and mini-Cooper’s


 are regularly brought on board to be stuffed into a space thats approximately the size of a large Tupperware  salad cointainer …..

and all the while, the planes have pretty much gotten smaller and smaller

 …..while adding  more seats per plane.

 If the trend continues, the only item that will actually fit under the seat in front of you is a small envelope ….and they’ll be asking you to please “check your feet” as luggage . 

 So, with the ‘Spirit of ’76’ behind them, Spirit takes the lead

 Here’s what will happen:

 They will either retract the policy amidst public outcry and be remembered as a caring airline which puts passengers first since we only remember the last thing that happened……as in, “There can’t be global warming. It just snowed“.


 The other airlines will follow suit and charge $50.00 for the carry-on …. and Spirit will be known as the least expensive of the bunch.

Bless them

Remember that this is an industry that once gave you full meals included in the price of your ticket. We all used to complain about the quality of the food. The airlines heard us…… and completely eliminated the meal service .


 Now they charge  $6.00 for a bag of Fritos 

 and sometimes add in closing points to the purchase.

 It’s not a safe policy particularly on  cross-country flights. Last time I flew on such a long flight, I  noted that the guy next to me was reading about The Donner Party.


 It’s a long, hungry flight.  I asked for a seat change immediately.


LOST in my Netflix ROKU

We  purchased a ROKU box and amazingly I  was  able to hook the thing up to our TV using much less duct tape than I originally figured.
For those of you still wallowing about in the past, like 2009, a ROKU , fyi,
allows it’s owner (me) to stream anything from their Netflix list that is listed as ‘instant” or ‘play’ directly to one’s TV instantly,
This is me since I got it four days ago .
I haven’t blinked since!
When I ordered it, ‘they’ said that the instructions for hook up were  easy to follow. That’s true … if you speak Korean and can interpret the illustrations of MC Escher.
For example, the page  that was titled
 “How to hook your ROKU to your TV”
 showed how to place the wires into the ROKU. 
 Since the Roku had exactly 3 clearly marked color-coordinated holes and  3 color-coordinated wires, that was very easy.
 It then showed a picture of a TV screen which represented “my TV” and the 3 wires literally  dangling in front of the screen. That was it.
Now, where did I put that duct tape?????
That instruction page  should have been titled
“Inserting your 3 color coordinated wires into the back of your ROKU where there are exactly 3-count  ’em – 3 color coordinated holes. You’re on your own with the TV part. Good ruck”.
I had to go to Radio Shack to figure out how to hook it to the TV 
and while I was gone, I left my wife
 in complete charge of things in the TV room until my safe return.
I came back with ‘hookup instructions’ and further supplies 
and  after much de-tangling, I triumphantly hit the ON button”. 
The lights went out in the dining room  and two of my neighbor’s toilets flushed for no reason. A tsunami warning warned Hawaii of impending doom and six planes bound for Dubai were never heard from again.
Re-configuring everything with duct tape, I tried  again.
This time the garage door went up, then down, then up, then …..
 , but third time’s a charm and I was able to fix the door with the duct tape….and
The Roku worked
 and we inaugarated it by watching Episode 1, Season 1 of
 which we  had never seen….. right off the streamed DVD  and now I have TV access to a zillion old movies plus a zillion old TV shows  instantly which I will never watch ….. BECAUSE I have to watch every episode of LOST first ,as I try to figure out the metaphysical question of the series……
How come nobody on the plane brought duct tape?
This could be a long haul !
Published in: on March 2, 2010 at 7:57 am  Leave a Comment  
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Orthodox Jew causes Airline Scare or Welcome to the Bizarro Planet

Typical Jewish terrorist pictured above
A 17-year-old passenger inadvertently caused a scare aboard a US Airways flight from New York to Louisville on Thursday morning. The young flyer, an Orthodox Jew, was wearing an article of clothing that some on the plane feared might be an explosive device.

In reality, it was a simple religious item called phylacteries. Here’s what happened. According to Reuters, another passenger mistook the phylacteries, also called a t’fillin in Hebrew, for a bomb. Phylacteries consist of two leather boxes with straps attached. “Observant Jewish men are required to place one box on their head and tie the other one on their arm each weekday morning.”


Webeneezer still has his old, beat upT’fillin , last used 50 years ago. Now  I need to find a place to refill my little boxes.

 There’s one place to go. 

To a “T’fillin’ Station.  

I never liked Phylactories.

Thats why Mrs Scrooge was on the pill for so many years. I can never open the damn thing fast enough…too much pressure on me.



If a Jew wants to sneak explosives onto a plane, they simply eat cabbage and gefilte fish with horse radish prior to takeoff. Ask my friend, Mrs Klotz about Mr Klotz, if you don’t believe me.  In this case , the actual Jew explodes.

Don’t worry about the phylactories.

Published in: on January 21, 2010 at 11:25 pm  Leave a Comment  
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