Even Von Braun can’t help this Rocket !

And so Roger Clemens , that allegedly-lying bastard, is indicted for lying to Congress , in an ironic twist, since Congress is probably the biggest bunch of liars the world has ever seen.
 
As the indictment said, “We oughta’ know!”.
 
 As his defense attorney commented , “Just because his wife’s tits are now 60 D’s, same size as his, is no reason to think he ever did steroids”.
 
 
He is being described as pretty much a ‘bonehead” up here in Boston where at one time he was beloved . Like a bad clam in our beloved chowder, he became hard to digest after a while . 
 
 
Obviously , in retrospect, he should have given the autographed baseballs and photos to the Federal prosecutors too …….. just like he did to  the senators when they had the hearings a year  or so ago , one of the most sickening displays of slimy ass-kissing the world has ever seen….from both sides.
 
  
The Senators were in complete awe and had to shower afterwards from climbing so far up his ass…….as Clemens and his HDH -induced, super-human paws kept squeezing the Senator’s  itsy-bitsy, teeny-tiny testes, then letting go, then squeezing again…as the senators said, “Please , sir, Can I have another?”
 
He maintains his innocence  and, to show he means it,  went over and lifted up The Capitol Building and shook it ….
 
 
 
…. until the bad senators that he doesn’t like fell out.
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A degree of difference makes all the difference!

There’s a DEGREE of  trouble in Pakistan these days.

 Seems that the former ruler, Pervez Musharraf, got a law passed that demanded all legislators have at least a Bachelors degree. In order to comply, and  legislators being legislators, they just made up a bunch of bullshit and pretended they had degrees, many of which came from Moslem seminaries, which in Pakistan  equals a Bachelors degree.

 

So help me, the chief minister of the state of Baluchistan, not to be mixed with Franistan or ‘StantheMan’ Musial 

, screamed at reporters in his own defense,  A degree is a degree! Whether fake or genuine,it’s a degree! It makes no difference.” 

No offense to higher education, but he’s right.

To understand why , let’s cross the great Pacific

 and land in Los Angeles

  and learn what some US Law Schools , like LA’s Loyola, for example,  are doing……as shown by this article from  The Wall Street Journal last Tuesday which was headlined (on the front page) “In Law School Grades Go Up, Just Like That”.

 Here, pretty much verbatim, are the first few paragraphs :

 

 “One day next month, every student at Loyola Law School in Los Angeles  will awake to a higher grade point average .But it’s not because they are working harder…. The school is retroactively inflating its grades , tacking 0.333 to every grade ….to make its students look more attractive in a competitive job market……In the last two years, at least 10 law schools  have deliberately changed their grading systems to make them more lenient….including, NYU, … Georgetown, and Tulane”.

 

  Have you ever heard such a load of horseshit in your life????

Now you know where lawyers learn to be sleazy!

 Maybe they can all become legislators in backward and corrupt Islamic Pakistan .  

As the Loyola dean probably explained it,

 , “A grade is a grade. Whether fake or genuine, it’s a grade.  It makes no difference.”

 

 

 

 

 

Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s new best girlfriend

So Obama nominates a “Lainie”  for The Supreme Court ,
Lainie Kagan.
 
 
 
No, that ain’t her.
That’s Lainie Kazan whose birthday coincidentally  is today, May 15th.
 This is the nominee, Elena Kagan.
 
 Gertrude Berg redux 
 
That’s not so bad actually. Gertrude Berg, whom probably 3% of you ever heard of, was a major media force from the 1920’s on radio through to 1962.  She died in 1966 when, I believe, she acccidentally ingested one of my mother’s matzohballs.
Most of the time , women outlive their men, but in her case, her husband  lived another 20 years. He probably enjoyed the quiet.
 
There’s an old joke about the kid who comes home from Hebrew School and proudly tells his parents over dinner  that he got a role in the school play .
 
 His mom asks , “What role did they give you?”.
 
The kid responds, “I play the role of the Jewish husband.”.
 
His dadasks, “How come they didn’t give you a speaking role?”
 
 
  I can imagine the upcoming Kagan confirmation herrings, er  hearings since its so hard for the ‘Pubs to find something she’s written or decided.
 She’ll handle it….
 
“Tutelah, who care’s if you’re orange?
 So they won’t stop abortions. Here, have some soup. We’ll talk , you’ll vote and by the way, I have to ask , why are you orange? Who do you think you are changing skin color, Michael Johnson?”
 
 
 
The hearings should be interesting as the Republican’s push their Marxist agenda with their Marxist motto  ,
 
 Whatever it is, I’m against it 
  
 as sung by Mr. Marx himself  (above) in “Horsefeathers”
 
 If they can’t find any bad stuff, they’ll harp on the fact that she didn’t say much and that they can’t find anything. See, ‘harp’ing…. 
 
 more Marxism !

But I guess silence can be golden. It’s worth noting that their favorite Great Black Dope, Sooo-preme Court Justice  Clarence Thomas has yet to say even a single word from the bench in the 20 years he’s been on it .

Rumor has it that he did once.
In 1999 at a meeting , after 8 years on the bench, he finally said two words, “Bench Hard” and legend has it that Justice Rehnquist told him to stop bitching all the time.
He’s been quiet ever since
 
 
It should be great theater as my favorite flock of self-serving spineless , boneless chickens  aka The US Senate, grills her intensely .
 
Reminds me of the old joke about the old Jewish lady who asks the kosher butcher for a chicken.  
He hands her a dead , skinned chicken…
 
and she proceeds to sniff  under the chicken’s wings, opens it beak and sniffs,  and then turns it over  and sniffs it’s crotch.
 
She hands it back to the butcher and says in her Yiddish accent, “I don’t want this chicken. It’s rotten!”
 
The butcher takes it back and says,
“No problem Lady , just one question…could you pass that test?”
 
Good morning, Senator…could you ?

Yussel Lieberman strikes again

 
 
The good people of Connecticut have given us many things:
 
 Yes, they have!
 
PT Barnum, for one! 
 
 
The Singer Sewing Machine  
  

 

and…..of course, there’s ummmmm   ….
  
PT Barnum
  
No, I said that one already! 
 
 
Ok , thats about it! No wait. One more, how could I have forgotten ?
  
  The one and only Senator Darth Lieberman 
 
Taking one from the Nazi’s of the 1930’s ,
 The Phantom of The Senate 
  has sponsored a bill saying that if the government thinks that someone  might be supporting a terrorist group, then that someone could be stripped of their US citizenship.
 
 
This is, of course, in reaction to to the recently accused  Times Square Bomber, coincidentally both a US citizen and a Connecticut resident from Bridgeport ….. and one who obviously didn’t vote for Joe in the last Senatorial election.
  
 That’ll teach him.
 
Joe’s bill also states that one’s citzenship can be stripped away for : 
 
a)  dancing The Horah clumsily at a Jewish wedding
 and dropping the bride
  
  
OR 
b) if you don’t like Joe Lieberman
 
This latest idiocy from the US Congress is also supported by my senator, Scott Brown  ( R-MA)   who has added very strong language to the bill which states that ” Citizenship should also be revoked if you prefer Starbucks over Randolph, MA -based, Dunkin Donuts because, as it says in The United States Constitution,
  
AMERICA RUNS ON DUNKIN”
 
I ask you, how stupid can this bill be if even
 John Boehner is against it?  
  
 
Finally we have proof that somewhere under his orange-y tan lies a bit of reason , as yet unaffected by tanning machine poisoning. 
 
Last time we tried something like this was during The McCarthy Era in one of our usual and ridiculous over-reactions to whatever was crawling up the collective American anus that week.
 
 
In those days it was the Reactionaries idea to strip citizenship from anyone who was a Commie…..
    
 
‘Commie” being defined as anybody who either
 a) thought that the ‘Nigra’ are people too OR
 b) ever ate a bagel , had seen a bagel or knew what one was .
  
 
This brilliant stroke of legislation came in those Happy Days of the early 1950’s
from the House Un-American Affairs Committee (HUAC) which was the biggest bunch of stupid ,ignorant  assholes ever gathered together up to that point
 
 
 
the point conveniently located in the top of their hoods. 
That’s it, Joe, jump on their bandwagon, you putz.
 
Or perhaps we should get back to the era of The Palmer Raids,
  
 
when. back in the early 1920’s, US Attorney General A. Mitchell Palmer decided to un-Constitutionally raid and deport any group he thought might be Commies, considering that the Russian revolution of 1917 had just happened …
and there was always the possibility that The  Cossacks would  ride their starving  horses across The Bering Sea, invade Alaska and threaten our democracy.
  
Keep in mind, to be fair to Palmer,
this was long before Sarah Palin was there seeing Russia and standing guard for us all.
 
  
So Joe, Scott and the rest of you mightily crazed Dingbats
“Good Show”, “Wise Thinking”  and be glad that there isn’t a citizenship test for understanding the document you’re supposed to be defending!
 
THANK YOU. NEXT POST WILL BE  POSTED ON TUESDAY MAY 11

Majority Rules

“Bolder Obama may press other parts of agendawas the headline of The Boston Globe today. 

Hmm, “Bolder” Obama??? 

Sounds like a Colorado mountain man.

Why, that bearskin rug twas given to me by Boulder Obama hisself , just before he left fer the mountains fer good“.

 No matter how you spell it, my question is , ‘Why hasn’t he been bolder  all along?’. What in hell has he been waiting for???

 Back when Newt Gingrinch

.  

 first became Speaker of the House , I watched as outgoing Speaker Democrat Dick Gephart handed him the gavel . It was the first time to a Republican in the House in about 2200 years.  It was right after that big Republican sweep  in ’92 with their “Contract On With America.”.

I would say that approximately  ten minutes later Gephart was probably wishing he had shoved  it up Gingrich’s ass  because The Newtster didn’t give ‘a hoot  or a holler’  (thats’ Georgia talk, I think) about the newly minoritized Dem’s opinon. Why should he?  He had the majority. Off he went like a kid with a pocket of quarters in an arcade….

The R’s just passed piece after piece of legislation and that was that. And whatcha gonna do. Fair’s fair.

 Majority rules.

  For some reason, the Democrats didn’t believe that until three days ago.  

 And for some reason, the R’s have suddenly forgotten it .

Nothing was rammed down anyone’s throat.

The majority voted YES. Case closed. Stop bitching.

Boys, girls and Harry Reid, you have a majority. The people spoke in 2008. They gave you the power. Just use it. Have you learned your lesson? Nobody respects you when you act like a dork!

  And  Barack, olde bucket,

stop the bi-partisan crapola. Nobody cares. You want a friend in Washington….get another dog ….. and name him ‘Boehner”. 

Maybe you already have….and Michael Vick’s his trainer. 

 “Boehner” the dog will wag his tail every time you walk in the room and even hump your leg. 

…. and just for fun, get an orange dog, like his namesake.

   

 You were elected to push an agenda. Hellooooooo. Learn your lesson. ‘They’ just ain’t gonna wag their tails when you walk in! Get used to it, screw ’em, and , oh yes, leave papers on the floor when you leave!