Come to your CENSUS, Man

The United States government is $12 Trillion dollars in debt or to say it in ‘America-speak’, “12 Trillion Whopper Juniors”  worth.


  So to make sure that both you and your community get their fair share of the money that the government doesn’t have, yesterday

The US Census Bureau

sent me and probably 100 million others a one page  letter telling me (and the 100 million others) that next week the census information is coming …  to take it seriously and fill out all the information correctly when it arrives and send it back ASAP. In other words, the government is asking us to be efficient because its important.


   That’s like Hitler telling me

 to be sure and attend Yom Kippur services this year!

  Efficient ??? Why didn’t they just include the letter with the census packet next week where it would say , Please fill all this out quickly and responsibly because its important and return ASAP”.

  But nooooo! Bob Groves, US Census Director, decided to kill a forest or two and also singlehandedly make sure the US Postal Service made a small profit this week at your expense when he said to his assistant,

 “Er Susie, run down to the post office and get me 100 million Forever stamps, the one with the bell on it”

  Our government at work.

 Yesterday I tried to call the IRS. I was amazed Franz Kafka didn’t answer the phone personally.

 Every time I was given  an automated menu list in order to push the  correct number on my dial pad, it created another menu of 5-10 choices. I was on my sixth list  when it said, “Now select from these seven choices”.

   I picked ‘choice 8’ which was ” hang up the fucking phone”.

Why can’t they just answer the phone? Ah, because what goes around comes around. According to the last Census, because you weren’t efficent, the IRS proportioned only one IRS operator per every 20 million people, giving them a grand total of six operators,

because you didn’t return your census report on time and they thought that there were only 120 million people in the country.

Obviously, for the real amount of US population  we need at least 8 operators at the IRS so they can answer the phone and be efficient , so, for this census,


 I promise that me, my 14 current wives and 386 dependent children will send back the Census info quickly and responsibly as a monument to efficiency.

 And ,Mr. Groves,  now that we’re pen pals, I plan to drop your name when the IRS comes to get me for not paying my taxes properly because they wouldn’t answer the phone.


The fed who arrests me, I’m sure, will have a great pension and healthcare plan at my expense, just like you do….getting his fair share from the government for fucking up everything using my dollars……which they proportioned based on the census which helped set the tax rate per citizen who swallowed a fly.