Even Von Braun can’t help this Rocket !

And so Roger Clemens , that allegedly-lying bastard, is indicted for lying to Congress , in an ironic twist, since Congress is probably the biggest bunch of liars the world has ever seen.
As the indictment said, “We oughta’ know!”.
 As his defense attorney commented , “Just because his wife’s tits are now 60 D’s, same size as his, is no reason to think he ever did steroids”.
He is being described as pretty much a ‘bonehead” up here in Boston where at one time he was beloved . Like a bad clam in our beloved chowder, he became hard to digest after a while . 
Obviously , in retrospect, he should have given the autographed baseballs and photos to the Federal prosecutors too …….. just like he did to  the senators when they had the hearings a year  or so ago , one of the most sickening displays of slimy ass-kissing the world has ever seen….from both sides.
The Senators were in complete awe and had to shower afterwards from climbing so far up his ass…….as Clemens and his HDH -induced, super-human paws kept squeezing the Senator’s  itsy-bitsy, teeny-tiny testes, then letting go, then squeezing again…as the senators said, “Please , sir, Can I have another?”
He maintains his innocence  and, to show he means it,  went over and lifted up The Capitol Building and shook it ….
…. until the bad senators that he doesn’t like fell out.

Come to your CENSUS, Man

The United States government is $12 Trillion dollars in debt or to say it in ‘America-speak’, “12 Trillion Whopper Juniors”  worth.


  So to make sure that both you and your community get their fair share of the money that the government doesn’t have, yesterday

The US Census Bureau

sent me and probably 100 million others a one page  letter telling me (and the 100 million others) that next week the census information is coming …  to take it seriously and fill out all the information correctly when it arrives and send it back ASAP. In other words, the government is asking us to be efficient because its important.


   That’s like Hitler telling me

 to be sure and attend Yom Kippur services this year!

  Efficient ??? Why didn’t they just include the letter with the census packet next week where it would say , Please fill all this out quickly and responsibly because its important and return ASAP”.

  But nooooo! Bob Groves, US Census Director, decided to kill a forest or two and also singlehandedly make sure the US Postal Service made a small profit this week at your expense when he said to his assistant,

 “Er Susie, run down to the post office and get me 100 million Forever stamps, the one with the bell on it”

  Our government at work.

 Yesterday I tried to call the IRS. I was amazed Franz Kafka didn’t answer the phone personally.

 Every time I was given  an automated menu list in order to push the  correct number on my dial pad, it created another menu of 5-10 choices. I was on my sixth list  when it said, “Now select from these seven choices”.

   I picked ‘choice 8’ which was ” hang up the fucking phone”.

Why can’t they just answer the phone? Ah, because what goes around comes around. According to the last Census, because you weren’t efficent, the IRS proportioned only one IRS operator per every 20 million people, giving them a grand total of six operators,

because you didn’t return your census report on time and they thought that there were only 120 million people in the country.

Obviously, for the real amount of US population  we need at least 8 operators at the IRS so they can answer the phone and be efficient , so, for this census,


 I promise that me, my 14 current wives and 386 dependent children will send back the Census info quickly and responsibly as a monument to efficiency.

 And ,Mr. Groves,  now that we’re pen pals, I plan to drop your name when the IRS comes to get me for not paying my taxes properly because they wouldn’t answer the phone.


The fed who arrests me, I’m sure, will have a great pension and healthcare plan at my expense, just like you do….getting his fair share from the government for fucking up everything using my dollars……which they proportioned based on the census which helped set the tax rate per citizen who swallowed a fly.

State of the Union: From your pocket to theirs !

I’m not watching the speech because as  the old joke goes, “Looks like horse shit. Smells like horse shit . Tastes like horse shit, hmm,  even feels like horse shit….

Good thing I didn’t step in it’.

Why waste my  time?  I can tell you right now that President LaBamba  will pronounce that “The State of the Union is excellent” and  the God-damn, self-serving crooks in the audience will cheer wildly.

I can’t blame them for cheering though. It is excellent  for them.

The Supreme’s

 in The Court last week gave them all a Golden Goose in that corporations and unions now have no limits on the amount they pay off to these creeps….. Excuse me, these “Honorable” creeps….. in their re-election bids. No matter really, they all got the same amount anyway. Now it’s just legal. 

For this male dominated group, their HEALTHCARE plan includes having beautiful female nurses help them produce sperm samples as needed

while yours , under the same circumstances, is  nothing but an old-fashioned , self prescribed , pull-it-yourself wanker, should your doctor need your sperm sample. And they won’t even help you open the  sample jar without a co-pay!

Don’t worry, America,  about your government being A-OK.

It is …..  if you’re the government .

Here’s some statistics from Jeff Jacoby’s column in today’s Boston Globe. In 2007 The Transportation Department  was paying only one person $170,000.00 a year. Now there are 1690 getting at least that.  The number of workers at The Defense Department making $150,000.00 or more  went from 1,868 to 10,100 in the last two years.  Most government pensions top out at 88% of salary.

Yeah, the State of the Union is fine. The states of the union aren’t.

 It’s like  The Matrix…we are simply bred to serve!