YOU’RE DOING FINE , OKLAHOMA.

  
 
As you may or may not know , on election day just one week ago, wise Oklahomans smartly voted  YES to prohibit Islamic Sharia Law from ever superceding the laws of their Great State of Oklahoma ……where , thanks to those voters , it is now ensured that only the wind, not crazed Imams, will come ‘whipping’ down the plains to bother the inhabitants.
 
 
And its working!
 I am happy to report that on Sunday when The Celtics
 
 
  beat The Oklahoma City Thunder ( aka the former Seattle SuperSonics) in Oklahoma City….  the NBA refs , following the new  Oklahoma law, did not use Islamic Sharia Law even once to enforce any NBA rules, although Thunder players did play like they were stoned .
 
 
As Stephen Colbert said, Since election Day, thanks to Oklahoma voters, the state  now also prohibits cats from piloting airplanes for the major airlines
 
and Webennezer notes that ,
 

 “It is now also illegal to play professional baseball in Oklahoma  if you are a potato”.

Got Religion ?

Go over and read the blog called “Obalesque”,  listed to the right in my blogroll  (a  blog roll, btw,  is great with coffee and jam I might add),

  

 and read about how the Imam’s of Saudi Arabia have declared that a gentleman can get close to a woman who is not his relative by making her a relative , simply by drinking her breast milk.

 

 Hence “Hey baby, got two nipples for a dime” has become the  hot, new  ‘pick up’ line in Riyadh.

 Ah, religion !

 Last week I watched a show on The Science Channel  called  “Through The Wormhole”  narrated by Morgan Freeman

 whose voice is so reassuring that he could talk you through surgery without anesthetic;  which I beleve is part of The Republican Healthcare Plan.

The subject of this first episode was “Religion vs Science” as to the creator of it all and discussed if they are at all compatible since science is based on mathematical certainty and absolute logic … whereas religion is based on power-hungry, illogical horseshit.

 

 Great show …. and it talked about how many scientists , paricularly  neurologists,  believe that when man  first realized that he would die …keep in mind we are the only species that understands this……our brain and our neurons and  our synapsis  adjusted  and created the possibility of a  ‘something’ controlling us and the possibility of an afterlife…other wise, what’s the point of it all? .

 It’s the idea that religion is ingrained into the psyche by nature itself ; it being a neurological need to assure survival of the species because, otherwise, knowing you’re going to die…well. we’d all be Woody Allen ! 

 Like his character Alvy Singer said in “Annie Hall”, to paraphrase, ‘What’s the point. In ten billion years, the sun’ll burn out and that’ll be that anyway”.

 

 Somehow , mentally, we had to cope…..so we created religion which begat a bunch of murdering, child abusing, women-hating, illogical, power hungry thugs to guide us through it;  going on for 2,000 years now and actually long before …witness Stonehenge.

 “If you build it, He will come”, said the Priests ..or at least the tourists will !

 Hence religions of all shapes and sizes have survived through the ages and to this day we continually fight over who has the better imaginary friend, simply because we stupidly realized we’re all gonna die anyway, which begat the funeral industry.

Enjoy your weekend and your eventual dirt nap.

Dangerous Driving

Being a New Englander, I never drive in Portsmouth, New Hampshire because, as one enters the beautiful city from the west on Route 33 which is a winding street , there’s a sign that says “Blind Drive”.

  

   I know they’re liberal on the seacoast, but that’s  carrying equality for the “sight challenged populace” a bit too far. It’s too liberal and dangerous for me.

 Three thousand miles across the ocean,

  

 the French seem to feel  the same way as a young Islamic woman, driving in the medieval city of Nantes , was given a ticket for driving with her veil on, covering her entire face. She got ticketed for not having a ‘clear field of vision when driving”, a $28.00 fine.

Considering that France is debating whether to ban the veil nationally, this case is a 

   “Cest cest bon, how do you say, a big foo-king deal”

  The woman has been driving nine years with her veil on and she feels that an injustice was done. Her lawyer, in a surprising move i.e.,  being correct for a change, has decided to sue the city.

  

I can capitalize on this  as it might be just the right time to unveil, so to speak,  my invention; perfect for just such an unjust occasion …

THE  “IN CAR” VEIL CLAPPER

 

   “Veil On! clap clap, Veil off!  clap clap.

THE CLAPPER “

  so when a Moslem lady  sees a gendarme walk towards the car , she simply claps her hands and le conversation goes like this:

   

Madame , Pardon e’mois. Were youu  le wear-innng a veilllll”

“No, it must have been le someone  else”

 AND   IN OTHER NEWS

…..  in our very own desert, the great state of Arizona

  

   has just passed a law that all people must carry ‘proof of citizenship” because if a police officer feels that you may be in this country illegally, you have to prove to ‘ der Gestapo’ that you belong here in the good ol’ USA.

  

  “Papers Please”

  This could be a real problem , not only for people of Latino descent, to whom it is obviously aimed, but other ethnic groups as well.

 

For example, on  Friday , the first “illegal”  sent back was Dr. Schlomo Goldstein, Chief of Neurosurgery at Phoenix General Hospital whose family imigrated to the United States  in 1903 from Russia.

    Yesterday he was living  in a 8 bedroom golf course mansion ,

driving either his Bentley or a Cadillac Escalade  around Scottsdale , with a swimming pool, tennis court, indoor gym and enjoying life with a lovely wife and  three over-achieving kids.

 Today, after being stopped by a Phoenix cop,  

 

he is back in the shtetl in Ukraine  selling fresh milk door to door in Anatevka,  because he couldn’t prove his citzenship.

 That’ll teach him and the ‘rest a them’ ethnic bastards where they really belong. 

Valentine’s Day, here and abroad

Above, that’s me and my wife celebrating our first Valentine’s Day lo’ those many years ago. Since then, both my wings and my nuts have been clipped and we choose not to celebrate anymore .

I hate Valentine’s Day. So there! Luckily, so does my wife so I’m off the hook.

There ain’t no little Cupid flying around shooting arrows up people’s asses and making them fall in love. In fact, let’s revert back to an old song by that Philadelphia vixen Connie Francis,

Stupid Cupid, stop picking on me.

It’s actually Saint Valentine’s Day, named after the Catholic saint, Valentine , who actually is kind of a repository of varied saints……basically, pun intended, the “Who dat?” of Saints. Val .i.e., the group of saints stuffed into one , was made a saint by Pope Glassyass or some such name in the 400’s, I guess he was feeling lonely.

In modern times, Pope Hallmarkius I has replaced Pope Glassyass and you’re invited to pretend it all matters and , if you don’t, chances are you won’t get laid tonight.

Be that as it may,  The Saudi’s take hatred of Valentine’s Day it to a whole new level. Their Islamic Police don’t want the people to celebrate a Christian holiday. They’re on the lookout for red roses ( “Look, there’s one , Abdul”) and heart shaped products or gifts , unless they’re on a target marked “Non-moslem” .

“It’s an important police job”, says their commander Sheik Joe el Friday as he walked by 8 Moslem nuts building bombs and holding air tickets and box cutters.

Incredibly the above contraband is legal througout the year except near Valentine’s Day because it’s Christian.

So now you know, if you hate Valentine’s Day, do what I did. I told my wife ” Honey, for Valentine’s Day next year, we’re going to Riyadh”

Sadly she heard “Rio” and she bought some new outifts.

I’m in big trouble!