Sleaze and the Law

 

 Without question, the sleaziest lawyer on TV is Saul Goodman, the Sleazebucket-at-law character on the best show on TV, “Breaking Bad” on AMC, as played by the great Bob Odenkirk   

 No one ever portrayed a lawyer like this, so thank you Mr Odenkirk and Vince Gilligan, creator of the series.

 How low can this character go?

 The character’s birth name was something like John O’Malley, but, as he put it, “everybody’d rather have a Jew lawyer”, so he changed his name. With an inflatable, giant  Statue of Liberty on the top of his strip mall building

….and with his disgusting office using US Constitution wallpaper  complete with faux pillars mimicking the inside The US Capitol building, he chases ambulances and plies his trade as he launders money for drug dealers particularly his best client, Walter White..

 

 So much for prelude!

 Let’s take a look at this recent statement by Joseph Lena , Esq., the Vatican’s attorney in the United States. ” Nothing in the new code (circa 1980)prevented a bishop from exercising his discretion to restrict ministry or  to assign a priest to a job where he would be out of contact with the public.”

 Who could he be talking about?

 Who is he trying to protect ???.

 Who is he making excuses for?

 Well, bust my buttons,, its none other  than God’s  personal sleazebag on Earth  , the one, the only , Pope Bendadick (Why God  chose a man who wears a dress is beyond me?)  who,  prior to becoming Pope  while working with Pope JohnPaulGeorgeRingo the Second

 , turned down an American  Bishop’s request to remove a priest for no other reason than that the priest didn’t agree to leave.

 There’s a Seinfeld episode that follows this theme too. George’s girlfriend simply refuses to  break up with him after George announce he’s breaking up with her….

 even after he starts dating a second woman  and has lunch with both of them at the same time. I had no idea Seinfeld was a Catholic reality show!

 The priest this time was Father Alvin Campbell of Illinois who , the 1970’s and 80’s molested kids while an Army Chaplain and , after he was drummed out for molesting kids ,  received this letter from his Bishop, “We’ll welcome you home with open arms” .

 They welcomed him home with open arms only to be waving bye-bye to him with extended middle fingers  after far too many reports of him molesting kids  a few years later in Springfield.

.

 The diocese  had found out that he had been plying boys to his bedroom in the  Rectory’s (How’d they ever come up with a name like that to house priests? ) , so they sent him to a  New Mexico facility that specializes in treatment for these pedophile sons of bitches. The treatment is shown below . This is the church course on “Tending to your Flock 101”.

 

 After being ‘cured’ at St. Vaseline of the Slippery Chute treatment center and sent back to Illinois, a little while later  he got 14 years for molesting kids in Morrisonville, IL.

Finally the Bishop ( now out of Vaseline or even generic jelly products and tired of welcoming Father  Campbell home with open arms ) asked the Vatican to ….. you should pardon the expression…..   ‘can’ him.

 And the current Pope Bendadick , the articst formerly known as “Cardinal Ratzinger” declined to do so ; his rationale .as expressed recently by his lawyer, was;

 Nothing in the code prevented a bishop from exercising his discretion to restrict ministry or  to assign a priest to a job where he would be out of contact with the public.”

 Well, good priests are hard to find. And when find one , you wanna keep them or hire an immmoral, excuse -making 

mouthy  sleazebuckets  to protect you and them ….. because it takes one to hire one . 

 

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Good News for The Catholic Church, this time it’s females.

Earlier this year in  Chile,

Catholic priest, Father Ramon (aka ‘RamOn’)  Munoz Quinteros ,55,was suspended from his priestly duties when a motel security camera caught him going to a motel with a young girl whose services he was paying for.

When first caught in the room by a reporter , Father Quinteros said that he didn’t know  what the fuss was about as he was alone in the motel with his rosary. Then , asking the reporter if he was thirsty, he made his big mistake when he  screamed into the motel room bathroom, “Rosary, get the man a drink.” 

Now Chilean authorities have pressed charges against “RamOn”  claiming he abused girls  ages 16 to 18 as well as HIS OWN DAUGHTER, age 6. Turns out he was also producing child porn.

And now  those same  authorities are following the trail  to a diocesan cover up considering the diocese transferred “RamOn” from parish to parish.

Using tough love, the Chilean diocese also announced that “RamOn” will not be allowed to deliver the sacraments while he’s a prisoner.

 Talk about punishment!!!

Just like ‘RamOn’ himself with his little women, they’re on top of this one, as usual.

As Tom Lehrer once sang:

“Ave Maria

Gee, its good to see ya

Doin the Vatican Rag “

And far north of Chile ……in Nashua, New Hampshire, “William Ventura, 31, of 115 Middlesex St., Chelmsford, who is a priest at St. John the Evangelist Parish, North Chelmsford, Massachusetts was arrested Friday, April 9, along with seven other men at a local hotel after they agreed to pay for sex in response to a Craigslist ad placed by investigators, police said.( quote from Lawrence, MA Eagle Tribune, 4/14″)

  

  Upon hearing the news regarding his archdiocese, Boston’s Cardinal Sean O’Malley broke out the champagne and made  a public statement saying how happy he was that Father Willy … ” actually wanted to have sex with a woman, a welcome change from little boys, which proves once and for all that we aren’t a gang of perverts just because we wear dresses, purple shoes, and jerk off a lot”. 

Cardinal O’Malley continued ,

 Father Ventura won’t be able to (at this point O’Malley started to giggle uncontrollably) deliver (here he actually fell down laughing , tears in his eyes) the sacraments right now just like that freakin’ matters. Jesus H Christ, forgive me, I just can’t  (starts banging on the sidewalk with his palm, laughing hysterically) stop giggling. Does anyone have a Kleenex, this is too funny ? I guess he just wanted to free Willy”  (attempts to get up and then fell down again screaming laughing).

 Unable to continue due to his hysterical laughing fit, during which O’Malley started to flip communion wafers like Frisbees at the reporters,  a spokesman finished for him as the Cardinal was led away still doubled over from laughing, and the spokesman announced that ;

Father Ventura’s abstinence class in North Chelmsford has been cancelled for the foreseeable future” .

 In other news , Pope Bendadick’s comment yesterday “I vas just following orders” was officially rescinded.

It takes two, Baby!

America loves it’s talented and famous duo’s 

Batman and Robin
 
  
 Fat Man and Little Boy, 
  
Abbott and Costello,
  
 The Captain and Tenille
  
Julius and Ethel Rosenberg
  
, ……the list goes on and on.
  
Now , thanks to President Obama   we have a new and terrific pairing for a new century.
  

Ladies and Gentlemen ,

 give it up for  “Al Sharpton and Newt”

  
  
That’s right , out of 300 million possibilities, Obama selects these two polarizing douchebags to surge forward together, like opening the sewers of Camden to wash out the city ….these mouthes that roared….. to spearhead  his  ‘stay in school’ iniative . 
  
Gee, Rahm Emmanuel and Osama Bin Laden must have been too busy to serve on the team.
  
And so, like spraying broccoli with Tinactin to get kids to eat their vegetables,
  
      
  
Obama selects the most vile combination of bullshit and ammonia  that he possibly could. 
  
Yowsuh!!!! 

 

 Hmmm, now , where did I put that large vomit bucket???
 
Listening to either of them can make anyone nauseaus and put that spinal chill up your back……, put them together and it’s  “The Fingernails on a Blackboard” serenade.
 
 
I could spend years writing about that phony, media-hungry, big-mouthed, anti-semitic fool Sharpton but I’ll leave that to the great Tom Wolfe who used Sharpton so well to define and satirize everything that’s wrong with the media ….using him as the model for his Harlem- based preacher in  “The Bonfire of the Vanities”,
 
 
OR  I’ll leave it to the police that Sharpton falsely accused in The Tawana Brawley episode, ‘lo these many years ago, that first brought him to fame.
 
  
…. but it’s easier to  simply move on to  Newt GinGRINCH from this past week’s news …..
 
in which The Newt-ster basically thanked Obama for the appointment  by calling him “ “the most radical president in American history” who oversees a “secular, socialist machine.”
 
GinGRINCH knows better.
 
 
But he’s a political animal at the top of the food chain; one who drops huge turds into the eco-sysystem and can’t think about anything but eating some more , even from  the hand that feeds him a public position.  
 
The Newt-Meister has a Ph.D in History and , believe me, he knows there is no religious test for public office in the United States. Hearing him call the presidency secular, Obama should publicly say, “Thank you, Newt, for the compliment.” 
 
If Newt were Afghani, he’d being thanking the Taliban for a job well done telling them the danger of a secular presidency.
 
 
Knewt knows better,. but he don’t give a noot, er, hoot!
 Obama should have known better too.
 Next time , Obama, do a better job and pick two that we all really like and respect, an inter-racial duo who can inspire us to greatness without hypocrisy. 
 
    

Good God !

What a hysterical Easter weekend .

 Both Jesus and tempers seem to be rising as The Catholic Church ,aka “NAMBLA in vestments”  looks to protect their favorite former Hitler Youth.

  The Pope’s personal chaplain, The Right Reverend Ben Dover,declared  at Good Friday services at The Vatican yesterday  that (to paraphrase) blaming the Pope for the sex abuse scandal (even though he knew about pretty much all of it and did nothing, allowing abuse to happen again and again) is just like  anti-Semitism ( hating a group for the sake of hatingi.e., Blaming people , any people, who carry no responsibility for what you’re blaming them for).

 

 In another use of this logic he also believes that blaming John Wilkes Booth for the assassination of Lincoln is the same as genocide in Armenia .

 Since basically everybody went nuts at that statement by the imbecilic, self-serving putz who said it, the church is now saying that it is not the official stance of the Vatican.

That’s true !  

The official stance is on your knees with your ass in the air.

In other Happy Easter news,

way down in the Phillipines, 23 screwballs nailed themselves to crosses  so they could suffer like Jesus who, I am sure, given the choice would have rather spent the day at the mall. And at “Canal Number Two,Guyana”, a 15 year old  died after a local pastor tried to exorcise the demons causing her convulsions.

Well, they did stop the convulsions.

 

And in other movie/God news, most critics gave the remake of  “CLASH OF THE TITANS’ (the new 3-D movie) absolutely terrible reviews.

Why?

Obviously because its a religious film ….about ancient Greek Gods, though it shows a certain modern religious sensitivity opening on Good Friday.

Just so you know, the film is based on Greek mythology … about the Titans who were Greek Gods overthrown by the Olympians  in the Olympian’s quest for power. The Titans were a race of powerful deities …and they were the descendants of Gaia and Uranus,

 And so , on this Easter weekend, we see how most religions are inter-linked , considering that the story of “Uranus” 

opened on a Catholic holiday weekend..

Gimme that ol’ time religion

Nine alleged members of a Christian militia were arrested 

the other day as they girded up for battle against some non-Christian forces, like those well-known anti-Christians, the police .

  

Their goal, in the name of Christianity, was to kill a cop and then blow up many, many more at the police officer’s funeral.

 Sadly, Jesus didn’t exactly apply for membership in the group.

 What seems to have set them off is the new Healthcare law which , for all it’s goofy flaws, has a stated purpose of caring for everybody ; something  which Jesus probably would have approved of…..He being his brother’s keeper and a rather caring individual, what with taking over the family business and all.  So, in the name of Jesus , these creeps are angry as hell because they’d have to take care of their brothers and sisters.

 And so, once again, the total illogic of religion comes to mind.

 It’s a big week for religions of all sorts..

 For example, yesterday was the first day of Passover when Jews are reminded that there was ,in fact, a great leader of men …..named  Cecil B. DeMille who directed  The Ten Commandments. the 1956 flick starring the one and only Charlton Heston as Moses who led the Jews from Egypt ……..who then trumped around  for forty years in a teeny tiny geographical area before stumbling on The Promised Land which was maybe forty five miles away from where they started. Hence we learn that the Jews were never good with directions.

  I went to a non-denominational ‘seder’ last night because I will sit through anything for briskit. We went through the usual bullshit. The seder has been updated recently since a) the Jews now control Jerusalem for which we prayed to return to ; the traditional ending of the seder being  “Next year in Jerusalem” and b) we all recognized that the Jews are are no longer slaves, unless you’re one who invested with Bernie Madoff.

 We were also  reminded that it isn’t just us that we are ‘seder’ing’ for, but for all the people who are controlled by others and forced to live a crappy  life under the control of others, without ever mentioning  the poor Palestinians who are 2nd class citizens in their own land because Israel is a land grabbing theocracy. But again, it’s the briskit that matters!

 And on that note, it’s Catholic Holy Week

, or as this year’s motto clearly states, “Lets put the rat back in Ratzinger”. 

 

Yep, Pope BendaDICK, (the former Cardinal Ratzinger and head pederast), commented that the Milwaukee perversions on deaf boys by that creepy son of a bitch priest, now deceased, in America’s Dairyland was just a “frivolous rumor”. He said this because, after carefully reading the scriptures, he realized that he’s the bastard who covered it all up. 

Hmmm, maybe the Pope’s team, his men in black 

 should, instead of raping kids, masturbate more often. Take the pressure off, so to speak.

I sent them a slogan for this year’s Easter Parade,

“Let’s put the Palm back in Palm Sunday”,

but I never heard a word back.

They must be busy coloring eggs.

 

 

Heroes of Hypocrisy

I love religion.

I love it’s hypocrisy in “de name of de Lawd” 

  

Use it to excuse anything.  

I have Jewish friends who are very religious and also very liberal….wouldn’t think of a woman as unequal under any circumstance, but one…..  their religion.

For example, at The Wailing Wall in Jerusalem  

, they’ll line up in separate lines at this holiest of shrines which is , fyi, a wall, because there are different sections of the wall available for each sex. I guess the women’s section ( which is much smaller) uses stone-like Contac paper over wallboard.

Don’t you dare discriminate against their daughters in this world though.

But I’m tellin’ ya’, if the Jewish religion is hypocritical, at best they’re The Chicago Cubs of hypocrisy.

The Catholics, believe me, are The Yankees. 

  

On the front page of today’s Boston Globe , there’s a big story about how Catholics rarely go to confession anymore. Yes, here in the epicenter of the American child abuse cases, good olde Bahhhstahhn, …

 ( BTW,  we’re good, but we don’t hold a candle to Ireland)

….The Archdiocese is making a big effort to get their flock to come back to the confessional.

  .     

  YEP, THEY WANT YOU TO CONFESS!

Why that’s just like The Reverend Ted Haggard telling you not to be gay.

See, in the same front section of today’s Boston Globe ,

 they have this article

 “POPE’S BROTHER KNEW OF BEATINGS”.

  Seems that Pope Bendadick’s bro, German Reverend Georg Ratzinger ( Man, were their parents fucked up or what?) once said he was unaware of physical and sexual abuse at Catholic-run schools all over Germany,  particularly at the famous boys choir that he led, The “Regensburger Domspatzen Choir” where, it turns out, sexual and physical abuse was common.

Oopsies , turns out that he was aware .

.

 FYI, for those of you who do not speak German as well as I do , “Regensburger Domspatzen” translates to, ” Let me stick mein franfurter up your tuchas, mein leibschkin, and don’t tell Mommy ,

Just yesterday he said that the boys would open up to him but he ” did not have the feeling that he should do anything about it.”

And who can blame him?

Wait, I know…..EVERYBODY!

So a big Mazeltov to Mr. and Mrs. Ratzinger

, their mom and dad, who  raised two great kids.

Remember their other boy is none other than Pope Bendadick himself and he (dressed in a new Easter bonnet, above) was the  person at The Vatican most responsible  for keeping the whole sordid mess a secret worldwide for all the years before they named him Pope. 

HE JUST COULDN’T CONFESS.

BROTHER GEORG COULDN’T CONFESS EITHER.

THEY WERE JUST FOLLOWING ORDERS, A FINE GERMAN TRAIT. 

BUT YOU SHOULD CONFESS.

 GO AHEAD.

 IT WON’T BE BAAAA’D AT ALL.