Got Religion ?

Go over and read the blog called “Obalesque”,  listed to the right in my blogroll  (a  blog roll, btw,  is great with coffee and jam I might add),

  

 and read about how the Imam’s of Saudi Arabia have declared that a gentleman can get close to a woman who is not his relative by making her a relative , simply by drinking her breast milk.

 

 Hence “Hey baby, got two nipples for a dime” has become the  hot, new  ‘pick up’ line in Riyadh.

 Ah, religion !

 Last week I watched a show on The Science Channel  called  “Through The Wormhole”  narrated by Morgan Freeman

 whose voice is so reassuring that he could talk you through surgery without anesthetic;  which I beleve is part of The Republican Healthcare Plan.

The subject of this first episode was “Religion vs Science” as to the creator of it all and discussed if they are at all compatible since science is based on mathematical certainty and absolute logic … whereas religion is based on power-hungry, illogical horseshit.

 

 Great show …. and it talked about how many scientists , paricularly  neurologists,  believe that when man  first realized that he would die …keep in mind we are the only species that understands this……our brain and our neurons and  our synapsis  adjusted  and created the possibility of a  ‘something’ controlling us and the possibility of an afterlife…other wise, what’s the point of it all? .

 It’s the idea that religion is ingrained into the psyche by nature itself ; it being a neurological need to assure survival of the species because, otherwise, knowing you’re going to die…well. we’d all be Woody Allen ! 

 Like his character Alvy Singer said in “Annie Hall”, to paraphrase, ‘What’s the point. In ten billion years, the sun’ll burn out and that’ll be that anyway”.

 

 Somehow , mentally, we had to cope…..so we created religion which begat a bunch of murdering, child abusing, women-hating, illogical, power hungry thugs to guide us through it;  going on for 2,000 years now and actually long before …witness Stonehenge.

 “If you build it, He will come”, said the Priests ..or at least the tourists will !

 Hence religions of all shapes and sizes have survived through the ages and to this day we continually fight over who has the better imaginary friend, simply because we stupidly realized we’re all gonna die anyway, which begat the funeral industry.

Enjoy your weekend and your eventual dirt nap.

Advertisements

Good God !

What a hysterical Easter weekend .

 Both Jesus and tempers seem to be rising as The Catholic Church ,aka “NAMBLA in vestments”  looks to protect their favorite former Hitler Youth.

  The Pope’s personal chaplain, The Right Reverend Ben Dover,declared  at Good Friday services at The Vatican yesterday  that (to paraphrase) blaming the Pope for the sex abuse scandal (even though he knew about pretty much all of it and did nothing, allowing abuse to happen again and again) is just like  anti-Semitism ( hating a group for the sake of hatingi.e., Blaming people , any people, who carry no responsibility for what you’re blaming them for).

 

 In another use of this logic he also believes that blaming John Wilkes Booth for the assassination of Lincoln is the same as genocide in Armenia .

 Since basically everybody went nuts at that statement by the imbecilic, self-serving putz who said it, the church is now saying that it is not the official stance of the Vatican.

That’s true !  

The official stance is on your knees with your ass in the air.

In other Happy Easter news,

way down in the Phillipines, 23 screwballs nailed themselves to crosses  so they could suffer like Jesus who, I am sure, given the choice would have rather spent the day at the mall. And at “Canal Number Two,Guyana”, a 15 year old  died after a local pastor tried to exorcise the demons causing her convulsions.

Well, they did stop the convulsions.

 

And in other movie/God news, most critics gave the remake of  “CLASH OF THE TITANS’ (the new 3-D movie) absolutely terrible reviews.

Why?

Obviously because its a religious film ….about ancient Greek Gods, though it shows a certain modern religious sensitivity opening on Good Friday.

Just so you know, the film is based on Greek mythology … about the Titans who were Greek Gods overthrown by the Olympians  in the Olympian’s quest for power. The Titans were a race of powerful deities …and they were the descendants of Gaia and Uranus,

 And so , on this Easter weekend, we see how most religions are inter-linked , considering that the story of “Uranus” 

opened on a Catholic holiday weekend..

Heroes of Hypocrisy

I love religion.

I love it’s hypocrisy in “de name of de Lawd” 

  

Use it to excuse anything.  

I have Jewish friends who are very religious and also very liberal….wouldn’t think of a woman as unequal under any circumstance, but one…..  their religion.

For example, at The Wailing Wall in Jerusalem  

, they’ll line up in separate lines at this holiest of shrines which is , fyi, a wall, because there are different sections of the wall available for each sex. I guess the women’s section ( which is much smaller) uses stone-like Contac paper over wallboard.

Don’t you dare discriminate against their daughters in this world though.

But I’m tellin’ ya’, if the Jewish religion is hypocritical, at best they’re The Chicago Cubs of hypocrisy.

The Catholics, believe me, are The Yankees. 

  

On the front page of today’s Boston Globe , there’s a big story about how Catholics rarely go to confession anymore. Yes, here in the epicenter of the American child abuse cases, good olde Bahhhstahhn, …

 ( BTW,  we’re good, but we don’t hold a candle to Ireland)

….The Archdiocese is making a big effort to get their flock to come back to the confessional.

  .     

  YEP, THEY WANT YOU TO CONFESS!

Why that’s just like The Reverend Ted Haggard telling you not to be gay.

See, in the same front section of today’s Boston Globe ,

 they have this article

 “POPE’S BROTHER KNEW OF BEATINGS”.

  Seems that Pope Bendadick’s bro, German Reverend Georg Ratzinger ( Man, were their parents fucked up or what?) once said he was unaware of physical and sexual abuse at Catholic-run schools all over Germany,  particularly at the famous boys choir that he led, The “Regensburger Domspatzen Choir” where, it turns out, sexual and physical abuse was common.

Oopsies , turns out that he was aware .

.

 FYI, for those of you who do not speak German as well as I do , “Regensburger Domspatzen” translates to, ” Let me stick mein franfurter up your tuchas, mein leibschkin, and don’t tell Mommy ,

Just yesterday he said that the boys would open up to him but he ” did not have the feeling that he should do anything about it.”

And who can blame him?

Wait, I know…..EVERYBODY!

So a big Mazeltov to Mr. and Mrs. Ratzinger

, their mom and dad, who  raised two great kids.

Remember their other boy is none other than Pope Bendadick himself and he (dressed in a new Easter bonnet, above) was the  person at The Vatican most responsible  for keeping the whole sordid mess a secret worldwide for all the years before they named him Pope. 

HE JUST COULDN’T CONFESS.

BROTHER GEORG COULDN’T CONFESS EITHER.

THEY WERE JUST FOLLOWING ORDERS, A FINE GERMAN TRAIT. 

BUT YOU SHOULD CONFESS.

 GO AHEAD.

 IT WON’T BE BAAAA’D AT ALL.

 

  

  

Is the President “A Serious Man”

There seems to be a major concern that President Obama doesn’t go to church very much.

 If there was ever a true cause for alarm, America,  this is it!

It was even a Page 1 story in The Boston Globe today !

Turns out that Obama has only gone to official church  4 x since he’s been president which, in my opinion, was a waste of four good Sunday mornings when he could have been schnuggling and schtupping Michelle.

He’s also gone a few times to the Chapel at Camp David to “think and pray ” in solitude.

 “I’ll be alone with God for a few minutes and want no interruption….and does anyone have a match as I’d like to light a votive while there”.

 I believe that visits to  The Men’s Room at Camp David should count too.

Why? Because Obama  was told directly by his predecessor that the Men’s Room at Camp David really worked to talk to God .

Even though  Bush’s aides, quietly and privately, later  explained to Obama that what Bush thought was a Morse code message from God himself was simply former Idaho Republican senator Larry Craig (he of the ‘wide stance when sitting ” )

tapping away with his feet from the next stall, the legend continues. 

But, to be fair to Obama ,The White House wants  you to know  (this is true) that each day he reads a Daily Devotional which his aides attach to his Blackberry.

The last one read , “he who happy smiles forever” and on the back of it, much to Obama’s surprise. was

“winning rotto numbers” and “Learn Chinese”, showing the Chinese word for ‘rettuce’. 

I’m not a religious man, but God help us when this crap matters !