Jurassic Salmon

In Waltham , Massachusetts, nicknamed “The Watch City” because it’s major industry when it had industry  was “watch and timepiece manufacturing”, there’s a company called  “AQUA BOUNTY”, not to be mixed up with Aqua Velva, though in the end, their products may taste alike

 


Aqua Bounty has genetically engineered a gigantic salmon nicknamed,” Frankenfish”  ….. and it is causing an uproar because it just ate downtown Waltham.


 No ,it didn’t.  I’m just joshin’ you.

“Frank” was just approved by the FDA which declared that the  fish was safe to eat.
 
Interesting because ‘Frank’ , the giant salmon that ate Waltham, was declared safe to eat as a drug, not as a food…as it was The FDA’s Veterinary Medicine Advisory Committee that oversaw the hearings. 

In other words, ,enjoy it with a delicious glass of Frontline.
 

‘Frank’, in all fairness, answers several needs ; the most important being  that it allows us to never run out of salmon … which is important for my bagel.
 
 
 It should be noted that all things change over time.
 
For example,  bagel manufacturers  now use a machine to make the hole as opposed to using a well hung moyel; another modern improvement on an “ages old” tradition.

Now they’re changing the fish!
 
The giant salmon , we’re told, are bred to be sterile, but a certain percentage are not …  which means if they ever get loose they’ll eat all the other fish , and then probably turn against us, create pens for us, and start serving us in “Salmon Only” restaurants as ‘Human Almondine’.

And how fucking embarassing will it be to go swimming and be eaten by a giant salmon.
 

Not to worry, they’ll fuck this up somewhere along the line,  even though I honestly believe Aqua Bounty has no intention of doing that. 
 
They call it “Chaos Theory”
 
Remember that the scientist played by  Richard Attenbourough in “Jurassic Park” only bred females too, ahem

 

Well, at least  he got a three movie deal with Spielberg.
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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I can’t remember. Is this the week that that a some new study says coffee is good for you or bad for you?

    “Oh you say Juan Valdez just paid for a ‘good’ study? Really? OK.”

    Whew! Now I can brew a pot without fear.”

  2. Should be a big favorite down at the Home for the Blind. BTW, “Frankenfish” was a bad teevee movie a few years ago: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0384833/

    It’s helpful at times like these to remember that the delicious, high-priced fish known as Chilean Sea Bass was once called the Patagonian Toothfish. Packaging, marketing, you know better than I.

  3. Webeneezer, google my name and you’ll see my November 9 press release on this subject. You deserve the credit. As far as I can tell, you were the first person / blog / whatever to use the term Jurassic Salmon.


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