“It is now also illegal to play professional baseball in Oklahoma if you are a potato”. |
YOU’RE DOING FINE , OKLAHOMA.
Hang him on the wall….and call him “Art’
from The Fort Worth Star-Telegram (Texas)
New fine-arts requirements set to take effect in Texas:
New fine-arts requirements for Texas students are set to take effect this fall, mandating that students take a minimum of one fine-arts course during grades 6-8 and earn at least one fine-arts credit in high school.
Schools say many students are already meeting this standard, but parents and educators hope the requirements will increase enrollment and support for arts programs in schools. “Arts are an important component of a well-balanced education,” one Texas educational leader said. “I think it was a very positive move by the Legislature in spite of these days of high-stakes testing.”
As some of you may know ,Texas is a bit conservative in its choice of textbooks and curriculum. In fact there was some controversy a month or so ago when their schoolbook commission decided that Thomas Jefferson was too liberal and that there should be little mention of him or any other dang liberal in the approved textbooks…and replacing him with Dick Cheney as need be.
As for Obama’s mentions in the textbooks , he’s in the section on “History of Commies” and is depicted below in the approved textbook ….with some supporters at a recent parade
So I have to assume that the same feelings carry over into the arts in Texas schools, in that any pictures or drawings of any democrats won’t get much higher than an F, particularly any nude sculpture of Obama,
that depicts a larger penis than the one Mike gave Dave above, irregardless of what might be the truth …and also that any depiction of Senate Democrats in the Arts have to be shown with no penis at all, except for the women.
It also depends on what you name your art in the new Texas curriculum .
For example the piece below was criticized by the judge at a recent high school art exhibit as ” a piece of crap that looks like sumpin my dog chewed up “, but it took first place at the next show when it was re-named
“Mission Accomplished “
May the arts and education continue to flourish in Texas.
Sex and The City-State
From what I’ve been reading, ‘Sex and the City 2″
is one of the worst films ever made. I hear it makes another film about the desert, ISHTAR, seem like ‘Citizen Kane’
Insulting to Moslems for no reason, it’s the story of four materialistic New Yawk City middle aged women going to, of all places, Abu Dhabi where , I guess,
girls just want to have fun and getting ‘stoned’ takes on a whole new meaning.
Its the perfect place for liberated females.
and while there , why not do what we all do…. spend zillions on your wardrobe, drive around in $500,000.00 Maybach-mobiles ,
and just plain get into an Arab state of mind .
The producers were going to change the name to “Sex and The City-State “, but good thing they didn’t because, after reading the script, Abu Dhabi’s government said
“Film it somewhere else or we will take the four whores and execute them!
So they did film it elsewhere, with Morocco playing the role of Abu Dhabi and Osama Bin Laden as ” Achmed , The Pool Boy”.
The girls spend money for the sake of spending money to show you how much fun it is to spend money, if you had any to spend.
Oh, what the fuck, spend like the girls do, girls, and spend ten bucks and see the movie. Waste your time and for fun, call your Maybach dealer and ask if air conditioning is standard.
That’s the Abu Dhabi way.
and its basically saying , “Fuck you” because in real life, you aren’t the girls…..you’re the help they’d hire !
But why journey all the way to Abu Dhabi to see females spending wildly. Let’s talk about the democratic process or, as Playboy might have put it,
“The Girls of Connecticut and California”.
In Connecticut, Republican Senate candidate Linda MacMahon spent $16.5 million of her own money to defeat long-term good guy Congressman Rob Simmons to try and replace retiring Democrat, Chris Dodd, he of the hair and the bullshit. Ms. MacMahon was an executive of the World Wrestling Federation founded by her husband Vince. Simmons admitted he couldn’t compete against that kind of spending . All this for a $174,000.00 a year job .
And its happening in California’s gubanatorial race as well as former E Bay chairperson, Meg Whitman has spent $81 million of her own money to date to have the opportunity to go up against Jerry Brown for the Governor’s chair, a $210,000.00 a year job. Turns out she rarely voted. Now she wants you to vote for her.
This ain’t democracy ,gang, it’s bullshit ! Like the movie !
It’s an age of excess and where are ‘We The People’ calling these two and all the others to task for buying their elections.
That’s a lot of money that the girls are spending.
Like you, I can’t wait to see what they spend on the general election and I understand that if they win they’ll be taking us all to Abu Dhabi.
PAR-TEEEEEEEEE
Yussel Lieberman strikes again
The good people of Connecticut have given us many things:
Yes, they have!
PT Barnum, for one!
The Singer Sewing Machine
and…..of course, there’s ummmmm ….
PT Barnum
No, I said that one already!
Ok , thats about it! No wait. One more, how could I have forgotten ?
The one and only Senator Darth Lieberman
Taking one from the Nazi’s of the 1930’s ,
The Phantom of The Senate
has sponsored a bill saying that if the government thinks that someone might be supporting a terrorist group, then that someone could be stripped of their US citizenship.
This is, of course, in reaction to to the recently accused Times Square Bomber, coincidentally both a US citizen and a Connecticut resident from Bridgeport ….. and one who obviously didn’t vote for Joe in the last Senatorial election.
That’ll teach him.
Joe’s bill also states that one’s citzenship can be stripped away for :
a) dancing The Horah clumsily at a Jewish wedding
and dropping the bride
OR
b) if you don’t like Joe Lieberman
This latest idiocy from the US Congress is also supported by my senator, Scott Brown ( R-MA) who has added very strong language to the bill which states that ” Citizenship should also be revoked if you prefer Starbucks over Randolph, MA -based, Dunkin Donuts because, as it says in The United States Constitution,
AMERICA RUNS ON DUNKIN”
I ask you, how stupid can this bill be if even
John Boehner is against it?
Finally we have proof that somewhere under his orange-y tan lies a bit of reason , as yet unaffected by tanning machine poisoning.
Last time we tried something like this was during The McCarthy Era in one of our usual and ridiculous over-reactions to whatever was crawling up the collective American anus that week.
In those days it was the Reactionaries idea to strip citizenship from anyone who was a Commie…..
‘Commie” being defined as anybody who either
a) thought that the ‘Nigra’ are people too OR
b) ever ate a bagel , had seen a bagel or knew what one was .
This brilliant stroke of legislation came in those Happy Days of the early 1950’s
from the House Un-American Affairs Committee (HUAC) which was the biggest bunch of stupid ,ignorant assholes ever gathered together up to that point
the point conveniently located in the top of their hoods.
.
That’s it, Joe, jump on their bandwagon, you putz.
Or perhaps we should get back to the era of The Palmer Raids,
when. back in the early 1920’s, US Attorney General A. Mitchell Palmer decided to un-Constitutionally raid and deport any group he thought might be Commies, considering that the Russian revolution of 1917 had just happened …
and there was always the possibility that The Cossacks would ride their starving horses across The Bering Sea, invade Alaska and threaten our democracy.
Keep in mind, to be fair to Palmer,
this was long before Sarah Palin was there seeing Russia and standing guard for us all.
So Joe, Scott and the rest of you mightily crazed Dingbats
“Good Show”, “Wise Thinking” and be glad that there isn’t a citizenship test for understanding the document you’re supposed to be defending!
THANK YOU. NEXT POST WILL BE POSTED ON TUESDAY MAY 11
The Nation’s Penis Arises
So this guy goes to hell and he’s given a choice of spending eternity in one of three rooms. The first has people in agony forever climbing a mountain of glass shards. Horrifying!
The second has the dead being constantly eaten by rats…disgusting .
But in the third room, people are simply standing in a county-sized, five foot deep, pile of poop and other bile, all drinking coffee.
The devil says for him to make his choice.
He says, “No contest..Room 3”.
He wades into the stinking mess ….grabs his coffee and says to the guy next to him, “Y’know, compared to the others , this isn’t so bad!”.
when suddenly he hears the Devil himself announce into the PA system, “OK, everybody, down on your knees, coffee break’s over”!
Jesus H Crist (sic), if you think that’s hell, think again.
Just ask Choo Choo Charlie Crist , Governor of Florida.
“Charlie, coffee break’s over”.
You been dancing with the devil in a place as close to Hell as we can get, the Republican Party in good ole Flori-DUH.
Charlie, once a rising national star , is now in deeper doo-doo with his delightful party of deep thinkers than the fellow above is with the devil.
Why?
Because he gave Obama a hug
when he was one of the only Republican governors to accept the Federal stimulus dollars. That’s it! Case closed!
Vote for Republican Marco Rubio whose campaign slogan is
” The only candidate we can trust to stand up to the Obama agenda.”
So, to try and win the US Senator’s seat now open in Florida , Charlie has officially left his party of “No Hugging The Nigra” and declared himself an independent in the Sunshine State where , in an epic battle of “Hugs” vs. “No Hugs”, Flori-DUH Republicans want to put Sunshine Charlie where the sun don’t shine.
Is this surprising for Flori-DUH, the nation’s penis?
Hell no.
It like “Night of the Living Dead” 24/7 down there.
and the brain dead love their own. Remember Terry Schiavo, the brain dead flat-lining Floridian whom Conservatives adored.
Remember when The White House (with a flatliner occupying it) and all the Republicans spent days trying to ‘save’ her while her family wanted life support removed since she didn’t have a brain anymore.
Like that matters in the FloriDUH Republican party !!!!
And the beat goes on……as now the Flor-DUH ‘pubs are split between an Obama -hugging dang liberal who just won’t stand up to the Obama agenda and one who will, dag nabbit!
And this Biblically leaves the Senate seat to Democrat Kendrick Meek .
because , in Flori-DUH , the Bible thumper always wins for, as it is written, The Meek shall inherit the earth, whether there’s a condo built on it or not.
Republican nuts….literally
Back in 1981, right after Ronald Reagan got shot by that nutbag, John Hinckley
, the president was wheeled into surgery to remove the bullet. He famously joked with the surgeon, just before the anesthesia started,
” Gee, I hope you’re all Republicans”.
And the surgeon replied , “No politics here, Mr. President” and the lights went out and the prez had his surgery and he got well .
Wow, times have changed……which brings us to the story of Urologist, Dr. Jack Cassell of Mount Dora , Flori-DUH
who hung up a sign at his urology practice door stating that he’d rather not treat a patient who either
a) voted for Obama or
b) supports the new healthcare plan.
Let me be blunt .
I think you’d have to be nuts to put your nuts in this guy’s hands.
And I’m an independent.
Please keep in mind that deep-thinking Dr. Cassell has chosen a career path of spending his days with testicles, vaginas, urinary tracts, kidneys, pee-pee …..and pricks ….. which segues beautifully into the fact that he hung up the sign.
I guess hanging around with enough dicks all day can turn you into one.
If he’s a douchebag !!!!….
it’s not surprising since that’s a vagina oriented product too, part of his specialty.
Since when does politics have anything to do with the practice of clinical medicine … unless you’re Dr. Mengele? What does he care what a patients political leanings are? That’s why we have a secret ballot in this country.
Why would it even come up?
So I can only imagine the conversation as he’s juggling your ‘kaputchniks’,
“So tell me, Irv, you didn’t vote for Obama, did you?
He said that he would not refuse care to anyone , but methinks he would save his best work for working with, if I may, Republican pricks and nuts …. and lucky for him, there is no shortage of them.
No, not these.
I refer to these…..
literally the more than active, family-values oriented , well-publicised wieners of Larry (Wide Stance) Craig, Ted ( 100% heterosexual) Haggard and Dr. Cassell’s fellow Floridian, Mark (Where the Boys Are) Foley .
And, in an odd coincidence of place and politics, I can almost guarantee to you that none of those 3 formerly high-powered R’s ever plan to ‘mount Dora’, if you catch my drift..wink wink.
WARNING: Should swelling occur in your privates and you happen to be in Mt. Dora, keep in mind that the good doctor doesn’t treat ‘blue balls: , blue being the color of the Democrats
But do note that, in an odd mix of clinical medicine and politics, he will happily treat any testicular redness, ( red being the color of the ‘Pub’s) particularly after reading this medical textbook below,
which coincidentally is the only urology textbook approved by the arch-conservative Texas School Book Commission.
Republican Party names new Security Chief
His name is Bondage….. James Bondage.
And so, yet again…the party of family values and I agree on the family values they support.
Why I must be a conservative , fiscally-responsible Christian!
It seems that under the leadership of Michael Steele,
the RNC has spent tons of donated money on some good, clean fun for Republican donors which culminated last week in a field trip that sent The Republican “Young Eagles’ to VOYEUR, the LA bondage-strip club whose main family value, it would seem, would be a fake “mother-daughter” bondage lap dance .
I assume that the RNC’s first choice for the evening’s entertainment , a visit to the local zoo, was rained out and that they thought VOYEUR was a museum of exploration, celebrating great voyages of the past.
So we must ask….
Who are these “Young Eagles”, these intrepid explorers
who enjoyed this lovely evening expressing the solid American values of the Republicans?
Obviously they’re a gaggle of gawkers who get boners watching naked “leather-bound’ women gyrate back and forth; made even more enjoyable , I’m sure, if it’s good-old American-made leather !
But, beside this patriotism, they also have some bad points!.
According to The Daily Kos, they are “The next generation of the Republican Party (who)provide the GOP with the financial resources to compete in national, state, and local elections, while affording members the opportunity to interact and network with Republican Party officials, pundits, enthusiasts, and donors as well as business leaders and innovators throughout the country. The “Young Eagles” is open to anyone under the age of 45, which I suppose is “young” for John McCain’s party. But beyond that cheap joke, note the GOP builds “the next generation of the Republican Party (as) • A full year’s membership in the Young Eagles requires a $7,500 personal contribution per year. All benefits included.”
$7500.00 for that ???
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE
because if you call in the next ten minutes ,
your $7500.00 worth of benefits will also include
1. a free DVR of the army training film
“Penicillin, your ding- ding’s best friend”
2. an autographed copy of former Republican henchman Lee Atwater’s book, “Profiles in DisCOURAGEment ” featuring interviews with Reverend Ted Haggard, Mark Foley and Larry Craig,
and 3. Free tickets to watch Dick Cheney emerge from his casket on the day of the summer equinox.
Republican donors, next time time you’re asked , don’t give money! Obviously they have plenty!
Give them something they can use.
.
Potato, Pah-tah-toe
If you are a Conservative and/or Republican
please feel free to dislike Obama. I don’t care. But get your facts right.
For example, you stupid asses, “Keep your government hands off my Medicare” makes no sense? Can you see why?
Let’s see if you can!
Multiple choice, please select your answer:
a. I don’t care why
b. No, I can’t
c. I told you that I don’t care
d. we need a real Maverick running things
Like McCain or Palin who both call themselves ” Mavericks“.
That’s like calling yourself a dog, then saying “Meow” all the time and crapping in a little sandy box, like the dog in the cartoon below.
That descriptive word comes from a family named Maverick, from Texas no less, where they still live. The last member of the Maverick family to serve in the US Congress was Maury Maverick.
From Wikipedia : He was elected to the Seventy-fourth Congress in 1934 with support from the Hispanic population of his district, and re-elected to the Seventy-fifth.3] In the House, he was an ardent champion of Franklin Delano Roosevelt‘s New Deal. He angered the conservative Democrats running the party back in Texas.. ..defeated in the primary for a third term in 1938. He returned to Texas where he was elected Mayor of San Antonio, again with support from minority voters, serving from 1939 to 1941, when the conservatives labelled him a Communist and defeated him.
SO MUCH FOR “MAVERICK”. LET’S TRY ‘LIBERAL’
since we now have a new Conservative group founded by Ginni Thomas, wife of Justice Clarence Thomas, he being the Silent Stud of the Supremes.
Never says a word…ever …never and he’ll be doing that for the rest of his life on your nickel…..but he hates GOVERNMENT HANDOUTS.
The lovely Ginni has started Liberty Central Inc.
which, in her words, will serve as
“a way for concerned Americans to make a difference in the fight for liberty and against the liberal Washington agenda . “
Well, this should guarantee objectiveness on his part.
“Clarence, honey, if you want some nookie tonight ,
let the corporations give as much as they want.”
See , what Mrs SilentBob needs to know
is that ‘Liberal’ and ‘Liberty’ are the same root.
If you are fighting for ‘Liberty”, you can’t be anti-Liberal.
Liberalism is “the defense of the rights and dignity of the individual against despotic or overbearing government” which is exactly what the current Liberal haters want .
But they don’t because , as usual, they can’t connect the dots.
Roosevelt’s New Deal reflected liberalism….which was supported by real life Mavericks …………..like McCain and Palin like to say they are, but who .. … would have hated The New Deal,….. unlike real Mavericks did…..but the new Mav’s promise not to touch your Medicare…which grew out of philosphy and action of The New Deal ….the very same Medicare which the Tea Partiers don’t want touched…even though they’re against expanding it to everyone….because it’s Socialism, they say…..even though they don’t want to lose their government healthcare handout.
MEOW
Tenure vs. Retirement: You Make The Call
Indiana
(The Crossroads of America, according to the sign)
is losing its very prominent Democrat, Senator Evan Bayh
who announced that he is quitting the Senate.
Actually , he’s retiring at the end of his term next January saying he’s fed up with the bullshit ! Everybody is on his case. NOT ME.
He’s young , He’s got the money. He’s got the name. He’ll get a book deal. He’s got the pension and benefits and he hates his job?
So, put yourself in his shoes….. you have a choice of spending your days at home eating bon- bons surrounded by topless, Nubian slave girls fanning you with ostrich feathers ( a well known Indiana specialty)
or dealing on a daily basis with fruitcakes like Senator Mitch McConnell,
Kentucky’s “Half Man- Half Tortoise“,
(as Stephen Colbert calls him) who only takes breaks from being a ‘pain in the ass’ in The Senate to go and lay his eggs on a beach ,
which would you do?
You’d do the same damn thing ! So lay off Bayh!
But everybody is shocked because being an incumbent senator basically gives you tenure! We all expect them to stay ! Once you have it, it’s pretty close to a lifelong job!
On that note, there are other lifelong jobs.
Tenured college professors, for one! Webeneezer hates the whole idea of tenure. It’s insanity and in most cases, breeds incompetence. Why strive for better…you can’t be fired.
And it can be tough to get in some cases .
For example in Huntsville, Alabama last week ,
Professor Amy Bishop
was denied tenure at the University of Alabama there and so she allegedly (ahem) shot six people at her faculty meeting where it was announced , killing three of her colleagues on the spot.
But even after that genuine burst of sincerity, the University is still probably not giving her tenure. That’s how hard it is to get a lifelong appointment.
The Supreme Court has lifelong appointments too.
In a poll announced yesterday, 80% of Americans,
FROM BOTH THE LEFT
AND RIGHT
say that the court’s recent decision on allowing corporations, which are ‘persons’ in the eyes of the law,( They’re right, ‘sociopaths” are persons, aren’t they???) to give as much money as they want to political campaigns was the wrong decision.
No restrictions !
Yippee !!!!!
Oops sorry, forgot to mention, I’m a corporation.
But it could work! For example, as a tribute to The British Royal Family we could appoint
a corporate “person” liike Burger King as the next Ambassador to The Court of St. James.
Not much you can do about it though because John Roberts and the other berobed baboons have lifelong jobs, so they are under no political pressure as to how and why they make decisions, no matter how much they’re paid to do it!
They usually don’t quit until they are very old or it is discovered that they’ve been dead for two or three years.
At a recent dinner at The White House
for all three branches of government.
Congress showed up.
The Executive did too.
Meat was the only thing served.
Somebody asked , “Where are the vegetables?”
Mrs. Obama answered, “They’ll be here soon. Court is running late”.
WELCOME TO TENURE.
THE AGE OF GOOD LOOKING FEMALE PRESIDENTS
ONE OF THESE DOESN’T FIT…WHICH IS IT?
The answer is 4 or ‘D’ ( for the numerically-challenged) ….. or as number 4 put it herself , “Which one is D?“.
WHY? She’s not the leader of a country……yet!
It seems to be the age of good looking women in office. Liberals beware!
For your information, from the left, the four ladies up top are:
1 or ‘A’ is is Laura Chinchilla, the new president of Costa Rica
2. is Yulia Tymoshenko, the prime minister of The Ukraine
3. is Christina Kirchner, the President of Argentina
4. is Sarah Palin, former half-term governor of Alaska who announced that she hasn’t ruled out a run for the presidency in 2012 when she spoke to the Flo-Thru Tea Bag
convention in Nashville where she read her speech using two syllable words concerning foreign policy like ,”Iran”, which looked like this on her notes
Trust me, if Sarah Palin looked like this
she’d be about as popular as Dennis Kucinich… or is that Mr. Spock?.
But its an age of good looking women in office and AMERICA TAKE NOTE….without Palin as president , the US will fall far behind in world rankings.
As a proud American, I must do my part to be sure that this doesn’t happen because deep in my heart I know that this doesn’t work for America!
Nor does this
or God help us, this
We have to fight against this and be sure the best looking person wins. Instead of Tom Brokaw covering inaugarations, lets work together to insure we get top notch reporting in the future!
Now you know why Hillary didn’t win
.
and trust me, it ain’t the first time
Webeneezer Scrooge 
