“It is now also illegal to play professional baseball in Oklahoma if you are a potato”. |
YOU’RE DOING FINE , OKLAHOMA.
Hang him on the wall….and call him “Art’
from The Fort Worth Star-Telegram (Texas)
New fine-arts requirements set to take effect in Texas:
New fine-arts requirements for Texas students are set to take effect this fall, mandating that students take a minimum of one fine-arts course during grades 6-8 and earn at least one fine-arts credit in high school.
Schools say many students are already meeting this standard, but parents and educators hope the requirements will increase enrollment and support for arts programs in schools. “Arts are an important component of a well-balanced education,” one Texas educational leader said. “I think it was a very positive move by the Legislature in spite of these days of high-stakes testing.”
As some of you may know ,Texas is a bit conservative in its choice of textbooks and curriculum. In fact there was some controversy a month or so ago when their schoolbook commission decided that Thomas Jefferson was too liberal and that there should be little mention of him or any other dang liberal in the approved textbooks…and replacing him with Dick Cheney as need be.
As for Obama’s mentions in the textbooks , he’s in the section on “History of Commies” and is depicted below in the approved textbook ….with some supporters at a recent parade
So I have to assume that the same feelings carry over into the arts in Texas schools, in that any pictures or drawings of any democrats won’t get much higher than an F, particularly any nude sculpture of Obama,
that depicts a larger penis than the one Mike gave Dave above, irregardless of what might be the truth …and also that any depiction of Senate Democrats in the Arts have to be shown with no penis at all, except for the women.
It also depends on what you name your art in the new Texas curriculum .
For example the piece below was criticized by the judge at a recent high school art exhibit as ” a piece of crap that looks like sumpin my dog chewed up “, but it took first place at the next show when it was re-named
“Mission Accomplished “
May the arts and education continue to flourish in Texas.
Sex and The City-State
From what I’ve been reading, ‘Sex and the City 2″
is one of the worst films ever made. I hear it makes another film about the desert, ISHTAR, seem like ‘Citizen Kane’
Insulting to Moslems for no reason, it’s the story of four materialistic New Yawk City middle aged women going to, of all places, Abu Dhabi where , I guess,
girls just want to have fun and getting ‘stoned’ takes on a whole new meaning.
Its the perfect place for liberated females.
and while there , why not do what we all do…. spend zillions on your wardrobe, drive around in $500,000.00 Maybach-mobiles ,
and just plain get into an Arab state of mind .
The producers were going to change the name to “Sex and The City-State “, but good thing they didn’t because, after reading the script, Abu Dhabi’s government said
“Film it somewhere else or we will take the four whores and execute them!
So they did film it elsewhere, with Morocco playing the role of Abu Dhabi and Osama Bin Laden as ” Achmed , The Pool Boy”.
The girls spend money for the sake of spending money to show you how much fun it is to spend money, if you had any to spend.
Oh, what the fuck, spend like the girls do, girls, and spend ten bucks and see the movie. Waste your time and for fun, call your Maybach dealer and ask if air conditioning is standard.
That’s the Abu Dhabi way.
and its basically saying , “Fuck you” because in real life, you aren’t the girls…..you’re the help they’d hire !
But why journey all the way to Abu Dhabi to see females spending wildly. Let’s talk about the democratic process or, as Playboy might have put it,
“The Girls of Connecticut and California”.
In Connecticut, Republican Senate candidate Linda MacMahon spent $16.5 million of her own money to defeat long-term good guy Congressman Rob Simmons to try and replace retiring Democrat, Chris Dodd, he of the hair and the bullshit. Ms. MacMahon was an executive of the World Wrestling Federation founded by her husband Vince. Simmons admitted he couldn’t compete against that kind of spending . All this for a $174,000.00 a year job .
And its happening in California’s gubanatorial race as well as former E Bay chairperson, Meg Whitman has spent $81 million of her own money to date to have the opportunity to go up against Jerry Brown for the Governor’s chair, a $210,000.00 a year job. Turns out she rarely voted. Now she wants you to vote for her.
This ain’t democracy ,gang, it’s bullshit ! Like the movie !
It’s an age of excess and where are ‘We The People’ calling these two and all the others to task for buying their elections.
That’s a lot of money that the girls are spending.
Like you, I can’t wait to see what they spend on the general election and I understand that if they win they’ll be taking us all to Abu Dhabi.
PAR-TEEEEEEEEE
Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s new best girlfriend
But I guess silence can be golden. It’s worth noting that their favorite Great Black Dope, Sooo-preme Court Justice Clarence Thomas has yet to say even a single word from the bench in the 20 years he’s been on it .
Yussel Lieberman strikes again
The Nation’s Penis Arises
So this guy goes to hell and he’s given a choice of spending eternity in one of three rooms. The first has people in agony forever climbing a mountain of glass shards. Horrifying!
The second has the dead being constantly eaten by rats…disgusting .
But in the third room, people are simply standing in a county-sized, five foot deep, pile of poop and other bile, all drinking coffee.
The devil says for him to make his choice.
He says, “No contest..Room 3”.
He wades into the stinking mess ….grabs his coffee and says to the guy next to him, “Y’know, compared to the others , this isn’t so bad!”.
when suddenly he hears the Devil himself announce into the PA system, “OK, everybody, down on your knees, coffee break’s over”!
Jesus H Crist (sic), if you think that’s hell, think again.
Just ask Choo Choo Charlie Crist , Governor of Florida.
“Charlie, coffee break’s over”.
You been dancing with the devil in a place as close to Hell as we can get, the Republican Party in good ole Flori-DUH.
Charlie, once a rising national star , is now in deeper doo-doo with his delightful party of deep thinkers than the fellow above is with the devil.
Why?
Because he gave Obama a hug
when he was one of the only Republican governors to accept the Federal stimulus dollars. That’s it! Case closed!
Vote for Republican Marco Rubio whose campaign slogan is
” The only candidate we can trust to stand up to the Obama agenda.”
So, to try and win the US Senator’s seat now open in Florida , Charlie has officially left his party of “No Hugging The Nigra” and declared himself an independent in the Sunshine State where , in an epic battle of “Hugs” vs. “No Hugs”, Flori-DUH Republicans want to put Sunshine Charlie where the sun don’t shine.
Is this surprising for Flori-DUH, the nation’s penis?
Hell no.
It like “Night of the Living Dead” 24/7 down there.
and the brain dead love their own. Remember Terry Schiavo, the brain dead flat-lining Floridian whom Conservatives adored.
Remember when The White House (with a flatliner occupying it) and all the Republicans spent days trying to ‘save’ her while her family wanted life support removed since she didn’t have a brain anymore.
Like that matters in the FloriDUH Republican party !!!!
And the beat goes on……as now the Flor-DUH ‘pubs are split between an Obama -hugging dang liberal who just won’t stand up to the Obama agenda and one who will, dag nabbit!
And this Biblically leaves the Senate seat to Democrat Kendrick Meek .
because , in Flori-DUH , the Bible thumper always wins for, as it is written, The Meek shall inherit the earth, whether there’s a condo built on it or not.
Republican nuts….literally
Back in 1981, right after Ronald Reagan got shot by that nutbag, John Hinckley
, the president was wheeled into surgery to remove the bullet. He famously joked with the surgeon, just before the anesthesia started,
” Gee, I hope you’re all Republicans”.
And the surgeon replied , “No politics here, Mr. President” and the lights went out and the prez had his surgery and he got well .
Wow, times have changed……which brings us to the story of Urologist, Dr. Jack Cassell of Mount Dora , Flori-DUH
who hung up a sign at his urology practice door stating that he’d rather not treat a patient who either
a) voted for Obama or
b) supports the new healthcare plan.
Let me be blunt .
I think you’d have to be nuts to put your nuts in this guy’s hands.
And I’m an independent.
Please keep in mind that deep-thinking Dr. Cassell has chosen a career path of spending his days with testicles, vaginas, urinary tracts, kidneys, pee-pee …..and pricks ….. which segues beautifully into the fact that he hung up the sign.
I guess hanging around with enough dicks all day can turn you into one.
If he’s a douchebag !!!!….
it’s not surprising since that’s a vagina oriented product too, part of his specialty.
Since when does politics have anything to do with the practice of clinical medicine … unless you’re Dr. Mengele? What does he care what a patients political leanings are? That’s why we have a secret ballot in this country.
Why would it even come up?
So I can only imagine the conversation as he’s juggling your ‘kaputchniks’,
“So tell me, Irv, you didn’t vote for Obama, did you?
He said that he would not refuse care to anyone , but methinks he would save his best work for working with, if I may, Republican pricks and nuts …. and lucky for him, there is no shortage of them.
No, not these.
I refer to these…..
literally the more than active, family-values oriented , well-publicised wieners of Larry (Wide Stance) Craig, Ted ( 100% heterosexual) Haggard and Dr. Cassell’s fellow Floridian, Mark (Where the Boys Are) Foley .
And, in an odd coincidence of place and politics, I can almost guarantee to you that none of those 3 formerly high-powered R’s ever plan to ‘mount Dora’, if you catch my drift..wink wink.
WARNING: Should swelling occur in your privates and you happen to be in Mt. Dora, keep in mind that the good doctor doesn’t treat ‘blue balls: , blue being the color of the Democrats
But do note that, in an odd mix of clinical medicine and politics, he will happily treat any testicular redness, ( red being the color of the ‘Pub’s) particularly after reading this medical textbook below,
which coincidentally is the only urology textbook approved by the arch-conservative Texas School Book Commission.
Republican Party names new Security Chief
His name is Bondage….. James Bondage.
And so, yet again…the party of family values and I agree on the family values they support.
Why I must be a conservative , fiscally-responsible Christian!
It seems that under the leadership of Michael Steele,
the RNC has spent tons of donated money on some good, clean fun for Republican donors which culminated last week in a field trip that sent The Republican “Young Eagles’ to VOYEUR, the LA bondage-strip club whose main family value, it would seem, would be a fake “mother-daughter” bondage lap dance .
I assume that the RNC’s first choice for the evening’s entertainment , a visit to the local zoo, was rained out and that they thought VOYEUR was a museum of exploration, celebrating great voyages of the past.
So we must ask….
Who are these “Young Eagles”, these intrepid explorers
who enjoyed this lovely evening expressing the solid American values of the Republicans?
Obviously they’re a gaggle of gawkers who get boners watching naked “leather-bound’ women gyrate back and forth; made even more enjoyable , I’m sure, if it’s good-old American-made leather !
But, beside this patriotism, they also have some bad points!.
According to The Daily Kos, they are “The next generation of the Republican Party (who)provide the GOP with the financial resources to compete in national, state, and local elections, while affording members the opportunity to interact and network with Republican Party officials, pundits, enthusiasts, and donors as well as business leaders and innovators throughout the country. The “Young Eagles” is open to anyone under the age of 45, which I suppose is “young” for John McCain’s party. But beyond that cheap joke, note the GOP builds “the next generation of the Republican Party (as) • A full year’s membership in the Young Eagles requires a $7,500 personal contribution per year. All benefits included.”
$7500.00 for that ???
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE
because if you call in the next ten minutes ,
your $7500.00 worth of benefits will also include
1. a free DVR of the army training film
“Penicillin, your ding- ding’s best friend”
2. an autographed copy of former Republican henchman Lee Atwater’s book, “Profiles in DisCOURAGEment ” featuring interviews with Reverend Ted Haggard, Mark Foley and Larry Craig,
and 3. Free tickets to watch Dick Cheney emerge from his casket on the day of the summer equinox.
Republican donors, next time time you’re asked , don’t give money! Obviously they have plenty!
Give them something they can use.
.