YOU’RE DOING FINE , OKLAHOMA.

  
 
As you may or may not know , on election day just one week ago, wise Oklahomans smartly voted  YES to prohibit Islamic Sharia Law from ever superceding the laws of their Great State of Oklahoma ……where , thanks to those voters , it is now ensured that only the wind, not crazed Imams, will come ‘whipping’ down the plains to bother the inhabitants.
 
 
And its working!
 I am happy to report that on Sunday when The Celtics
 
 
  beat The Oklahoma City Thunder ( aka the former Seattle SuperSonics) in Oklahoma City….  the NBA refs , following the new  Oklahoma law, did not use Islamic Sharia Law even once to enforce any NBA rules, although Thunder players did play like they were stoned .
 
 
As Stephen Colbert said, Since election Day, thanks to Oklahoma voters, the state  now also prohibits cats from piloting airplanes for the major airlines
 
and Webennezer notes that ,
 

 “It is now also illegal to play professional baseball in Oklahoma  if you are a potato”.

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Hang him on the wall….and call him “Art’

 

 from The Fort Worth Star-Telegram (Texas)

 New fine-arts requirements set to take effect in Texas:

New fine-arts requirements for Texas students are set to take effect this fall, mandating that students take a minimum of one fine-arts course during grades 6-8 and earn at least one fine-arts credit in high school.

 Schools say many students are already meeting this standard, but parents and educators hope the requirements will increase enrollment and support for arts programs in schools. “Arts are an important component of a well-balanced education,” one Texas educational leader said. “I think it was a very positive move by the Legislature in spite of these days of high-stakes testing.”

As some of you may know ,Texas is a bit conservative in its choice of textbooks and curriculum. In fact there was some controversy a month or so ago when their schoolbook commission decided that  Thomas Jefferson was too liberal and that  there should be little mention of him  or any other dang liberal in the approved textbooks…and replacing him with Dick Cheney as need be. 

 As for Obama’s mentions in the textbooks , he’s in the section on “History of Commies”  and is depicted  below in the approved textbook ….with some supporters at a recent  parade 

 

So  I have to assume that the same feelings carry  over into  the arts in Texas schools,  in that any pictures or drawings of any democrats  won’t get much higher than an F,  particularly any  nude sculpture of Obama,

  

that depicts a larger penis than the one Mike gave Dave above, irregardless of what might be the truth …and also that any depiction of  Senate  Democrats  in the Arts have to be shown with no penis at all, except for the women.

It also depends on what you name your art in the new  Texas curriculum .

For example the piece below  was criticized by the judge at a recent high school art exhibit as  ” a piece of crap that looks like sumpin my dog chewed up “, but it took first place at the next show when it was re-named 

 

“Mission Accomplished

 May the arts and education continue to flourish in Texas.

Sex and The City-State

From what I’ve been reading, ‘Sex and the City 2″ 

is one of the worst films ever made. I hear it makes another film about the desert, ISHTAR, seem like ‘Citizen Kane’

 

 Insulting to Moslems for no reason, it’s the story of four materialistic New Yawk City  middle aged women going to, of all places, Abu Dhabi where , I guess,

 

girls just want to have fun  and getting ‘stoned’ takes on a whole new meaning.

Its the perfect place for liberated females.

and while there , why not do what we all do…. spend zillions on your wardrobe, drive around in $500,000.00 Maybach-mobiles ,

 and just plain get into an Arab state of mind .

 The producers were going to change the name to “Sex and The City-State “, but good thing they didn’t  because, after reading the script, Abu Dhabi’s government  said

 “Film it somewhere else or we will take the four whores and execute them!

 So they did film it elsewhere,  with Morocco playing the role of Abu Dhabi and  Osama Bin Laden as ” Achmed , The Pool Boy”.

  The girls  spend money for the sake of spending money to show you how much fun it is to spend money, if you had any to spend.

 Oh, what the fuck, spend like the girls do, girls,  and  spend ten bucks and see the movie. Waste your time and for fun, call your Maybach dealer and ask if air conditioning is standard.

That’s  the Abu Dhabi way. 

 and its basically  saying , “Fuck you” because in real life, you aren’t the girls…..you’re the help they’d hire !

But why journey all the way to Abu Dhabi to see females spending wildly. Let’s talk about the democratic process or, as Playboy might have put it,

 “The Girls of Connecticut and California”.

 In Connecticut, Republican Senate candidate Linda MacMahon spent $16.5 million of her own money to defeat long-term good guy Congressman  Rob Simmons  to try and replace  retiring Democrat, Chris Dodd, he of the hair and the bullshit. Ms. MacMahon was an executive of the World Wrestling Federation founded by her husband Vince. Simmons admitted he couldn’t compete against that kind of spending . All this for a $174,000.00 a year job .

 

 And its happening in California’s gubanatorial  race as well as  former E Bay chairperson, Meg Whitman has spent $81 million of her own money to date  to have the opportunity to go up against Jerry Brown for the Governor’s chair, a $210,000.00 a year job.  Turns out she rarely voted. Now she wants you to vote for her. 

 This ain’t democracy ,gang, it’s bullshit ! Like the movie !

It’s an age of excess and where are ‘We The People’ calling these two and all the others to task for buying their elections.

 

That’s a lot of money that the girls are spending.

Like you, I can’t wait to see what they spend on the general election and I understand  that if they win they’ll be taking us all to Abu Dhabi.

PAR-TEEEEEEEEE

Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s new best girlfriend

So Obama nominates a “Lainie”  for The Supreme Court ,
Lainie Kagan.
 
 
 
No, that ain’t her.
That’s Lainie Kazan whose birthday coincidentally  is today, May 15th.
 This is the nominee, Elena Kagan.
 
 Gertrude Berg redux 
 
That’s not so bad actually. Gertrude Berg, whom probably 3% of you ever heard of, was a major media force from the 1920’s on radio through to 1962.  She died in 1966 when, I believe, she acccidentally ingested one of my mother’s matzohballs.
Most of the time , women outlive their men, but in her case, her husband  lived another 20 years. He probably enjoyed the quiet.
 
There’s an old joke about the kid who comes home from Hebrew School and proudly tells his parents over dinner  that he got a role in the school play .
 
 His mom asks , “What role did they give you?”.
 
The kid responds, “I play the role of the Jewish husband.”.
 
His dadasks, “How come they didn’t give you a speaking role?”
 
 
  I can imagine the upcoming Kagan confirmation herrings, er  hearings since its so hard for the ‘Pubs to find something she’s written or decided.
 She’ll handle it….
 
“Tutelah, who care’s if you’re orange?
 So they won’t stop abortions. Here, have some soup. We’ll talk , you’ll vote and by the way, I have to ask , why are you orange? Who do you think you are changing skin color, Michael Johnson?”
 
 
 
The hearings should be interesting as the Republican’s push their Marxist agenda with their Marxist motto  ,
 
 Whatever it is, I’m against it 
  
 as sung by Mr. Marx himself  (above) in “Horsefeathers”
 
 If they can’t find any bad stuff, they’ll harp on the fact that she didn’t say much and that they can’t find anything. See, ‘harp’ing…. 
 
 more Marxism !

But I guess silence can be golden. It’s worth noting that their favorite Great Black Dope, Sooo-preme Court Justice  Clarence Thomas has yet to say even a single word from the bench in the 20 years he’s been on it .

Rumor has it that he did once.
In 1999 at a meeting , after 8 years on the bench, he finally said two words, “Bench Hard” and legend has it that Justice Rehnquist told him to stop bitching all the time.
He’s been quiet ever since
 
 
It should be great theater as my favorite flock of self-serving spineless , boneless chickens  aka The US Senate, grills her intensely .
 
Reminds me of the old joke about the old Jewish lady who asks the kosher butcher for a chicken.  
He hands her a dead , skinned chicken…
 
and she proceeds to sniff  under the chicken’s wings, opens it beak and sniffs,  and then turns it over  and sniffs it’s crotch.
 
She hands it back to the butcher and says in her Yiddish accent, “I don’t want this chicken. It’s rotten!”
 
The butcher takes it back and says,
“No problem Lady , just one question…could you pass that test?”
 
Good morning, Senator…could you ?

Yussel Lieberman strikes again

 
 
The good people of Connecticut have given us many things:
 
 Yes, they have!
 
PT Barnum, for one! 
 
 
The Singer Sewing Machine  
  

 

and…..of course, there’s ummmmm   ….
  
PT Barnum
  
No, I said that one already! 
 
 
Ok , thats about it! No wait. One more, how could I have forgotten ?
  
  The one and only Senator Darth Lieberman 
 
Taking one from the Nazi’s of the 1930’s ,
 The Phantom of The Senate 
  has sponsored a bill saying that if the government thinks that someone  might be supporting a terrorist group, then that someone could be stripped of their US citizenship.
 
 
This is, of course, in reaction to to the recently accused  Times Square Bomber, coincidentally both a US citizen and a Connecticut resident from Bridgeport ….. and one who obviously didn’t vote for Joe in the last Senatorial election.
  
 That’ll teach him.
 
Joe’s bill also states that one’s citzenship can be stripped away for : 
 
a)  dancing The Horah clumsily at a Jewish wedding
 and dropping the bride
  
  
OR 
b) if you don’t like Joe Lieberman
 
This latest idiocy from the US Congress is also supported by my senator, Scott Brown  ( R-MA)   who has added very strong language to the bill which states that ” Citizenship should also be revoked if you prefer Starbucks over Randolph, MA -based, Dunkin Donuts because, as it says in The United States Constitution,
  
AMERICA RUNS ON DUNKIN”
 
I ask you, how stupid can this bill be if even
 John Boehner is against it?  
  
 
Finally we have proof that somewhere under his orange-y tan lies a bit of reason , as yet unaffected by tanning machine poisoning. 
 
Last time we tried something like this was during The McCarthy Era in one of our usual and ridiculous over-reactions to whatever was crawling up the collective American anus that week.
 
 
In those days it was the Reactionaries idea to strip citizenship from anyone who was a Commie…..
    
 
‘Commie” being defined as anybody who either
 a) thought that the ‘Nigra’ are people too OR
 b) ever ate a bagel , had seen a bagel or knew what one was .
  
 
This brilliant stroke of legislation came in those Happy Days of the early 1950’s
from the House Un-American Affairs Committee (HUAC) which was the biggest bunch of stupid ,ignorant  assholes ever gathered together up to that point
 
 
 
the point conveniently located in the top of their hoods. 
That’s it, Joe, jump on their bandwagon, you putz.
 
Or perhaps we should get back to the era of The Palmer Raids,
  
 
when. back in the early 1920’s, US Attorney General A. Mitchell Palmer decided to un-Constitutionally raid and deport any group he thought might be Commies, considering that the Russian revolution of 1917 had just happened …
and there was always the possibility that The  Cossacks would  ride their starving  horses across The Bering Sea, invade Alaska and threaten our democracy.
  
Keep in mind, to be fair to Palmer,
this was long before Sarah Palin was there seeing Russia and standing guard for us all.
 
  
So Joe, Scott and the rest of you mightily crazed Dingbats
“Good Show”, “Wise Thinking”  and be glad that there isn’t a citizenship test for understanding the document you’re supposed to be defending!
 
THANK YOU. NEXT POST WILL BE  POSTED ON TUESDAY MAY 11

The Nation’s Penis Arises

 

So this guy goes to hell and he’s given a choice of spending eternity in one of three rooms. The first has people in agony forever climbing a mountain of glass shards. Horrifying!

The second  has the dead being constantly eaten by rats…disgusting . 

But in the third room, people are simply standing in a county-sized, five foot deep, pile of poop and other bile, all drinking coffee.

The devil says for him to make his choice.

 He says, “No contest..Room 3”. 

He wades into the stinking mess ….grabs his coffee and says to the guy next to him, “Y’know, compared to the others , this isn’t so bad!”. 

when suddenly he hears the Devil himself announce into the PA system, “OK, everybody, down on your knees, coffee break’s over”!

 
Jesus H Crist (sic), if you think that’s hell, think again.

Just ask Choo Choo Charlie Crist , Governor of Florida.

 

“Charlie, coffee break’s over”. 

You been dancing with the devil in a place as close to Hell as we can get, the Republican Party in good ole Flori-DUH.

  Charlie, once  a rising national star , is now  in deeper doo-doo with his delightful party of deep thinkers than the fellow above is with the devil.  

Why? 

 Because he gave Obama a hug

when he was one of the only Republican governors to accept the Federal stimulus dollars. That’s it!  Case closed!

Vote for Republican Marco Rubio whose campaign slogan is

” The only candidate we can trust to stand up to the Obama agenda.”

 So, to try and win the US Senator’s seat now open in Florida , Charlie has officially left his party of “No Hugging The Nigra”  and declared himself an independent in the Sunshine State where , in an epic battle of “Hugs” vs. “No Hugs”, Flori-DUH  Republicans want to put Sunshine Charlie where the sun don’t shine. 

 Is this surprising for Flori-DUH, the nation’s penis?

Hell no. 

 It like “Night of the Living Dead” 24/7 down there. 

and the brain dead love their own.  Remember Terry Schiavo, the  brain dead flat-lining Floridian whom Conservatives adored.

 Remember when The White House (with a flatliner occupying it) and all the Republicans spent days trying to ‘save’ her while  her family wanted life support removed since she didn’t have a brain anymore.

 Like that matters in the FloriDUH Republican party !!!!

 And the beat goes on……as now the Flor-DUH  ‘pubs are split between an Obama -hugging dang liberal who just won’t stand up to the Obama agenda and one who will, dag nabbit!

And this  Biblically leaves the Senate seat to Democrat Kendrick Meek .

because , in Flori-DUH , the Bible thumper always wins for, as it is written, The Meek shall inherit the earth, whether there’s a condo built on it or not.

Republican nuts….literally

Back in 1981, right after Ronald Reagan got shot by that nutbag, John Hinckley

    

  ,  the president was wheeled into surgery to remove the bullet.  He famously joked with the surgeon, just before the anesthesia started,

” Gee, I hope you’re all Republicans”.

And the surgeon replied , “No politics here, Mr. President” and the lights went out and the prez had his surgery and he got well .

 Wow, times have changed……which brings us to the story of Urologist, Dr. Jack Cassell of Mount Dora , Flori-DUH

 

who hung up a sign  at his urology practice door stating that  he’d rather not treat a patient who either

 a) voted for Obama or

 b) supports the new healthcare plan.

Let me be blunt .

 I think you’d have to be nuts to put your nuts in this guy’s hands.

 And I’m an independent.  

 Please keep in mind that deep-thinking Dr. Cassell has chosen a career path of spending his days with testicles, vaginas, urinary tracts, kidneys, pee-pee …..and pricks ….. which segues beautifully into the  fact that he hung up the sign. 

 I guess hanging around with enough dicks all day can turn you into one.  

If he’s a douchebag !!!!….

it’s not surprising since that’s a vagina oriented product too, part of his specialty.

 Since when does politics have anything to do with the practice of clinical medicine … unless you’re Dr. Mengele? What does he care what a patients political leanings are? That’s why we have a secret ballot in this country.

Why would it even come up? 

So  I can only imagine the conversation as he’s juggling your ‘kaputchniks’,

 “So tell me, Irv, you didn’t vote for Obama, did you?

 He said that he would not refuse care to anyone , but methinks he would save his best work for working with, if I may,  Republican pricks and nuts …. and lucky for him, there is no shortage of them.

 No, not these. 

    

I refer to these….. 

    

literally the more than active, family-values oriented , well-publicised wieners of Larry (Wide Stance) Craig, Ted ( 100% heterosexual) Haggard and Dr. Cassell’s fellow Floridian, Mark (Where the Boys Are) Foley . 

 And, in an odd coincidence of place and politics, I can almost guarantee to you that none of those 3 formerly high-powered R’s ever plan to ‘mount Dora’, if you catch my drift..wink wink.

 

WARNING: Should swelling occur in your privates and you happen to be in Mt. Dora, keep in mind that the good doctor doesn’t treat ‘blue balls: , blue being the color of the Democrats  

 But do note that, in an odd mix of clinical medicine and politics, he will happily treat any testicular redness, ( red being the color of the ‘Pub’s) particularly after reading this medical textbook below,

which coincidentally is the only urology textbook approved  by the arch-conservative Texas School Book Commission.

Republican Party names new Security Chief

His name is Bondage….. James Bondage.

  

  And so, yet again…the party of family values and I agree on the family values they support.

   Why I must be a conservative , fiscally-responsible Christian!

  

   It seems that under the leadership of  Michael Steele,

  

 the RNC has spent tons of donated money on some good, clean fun for Republican donors which culminated last week in a field trip that sent The Republican “Young Eagles’  to VOYEUR, the LA bondage-strip club whose main family value, it would seem, would be a fake  “mother-daughter” bondage lap dance . 

  I assume that the RNC’s first choice for the evening’s entertainment , a visit to the local zoo, was rained out and that they thought VOYEUR was a museum of exploration, celebrating great voyages of the past.

 

So we must ask…. 

Who are these  “Young Eagles”, these intrepid explorers

 

 who enjoyed this lovely evening expressing the solid American values of the Republicans?

  Obviously they’re a gaggle of gawkers who get boners watching naked  “leather-bound’ women gyrate back and forth; made even more enjoyable , I’m sure, if it’s good-old American-made leather !

But, beside this patriotism, they also have some bad points!.

According to The Daily Kos, they are “The next generation of the Republican Party (who)provide the GOP with the financial resources to compete in national, state, and local elections, while affording members the opportunity to interact and network with Republican Party officials, pundits, enthusiasts, and donors as well as business leaders and innovators throughout the country. The “Young Eagles” is open to anyone under the age of 45, which I suppose is “young” for John McCain’s party. But beyond that cheap joke, note  the GOP builds “the next generation of the Republican Party (as) • A full year’s membership in the Young Eagles requires a $7,500 personal contribution per year.  All benefits included.”

 $7500.00 for that ???

 BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE 

 because if you call in the next ten minutes , 

your $7500.00 worth of benefits will also include

 1. a free DVR of the army training film 

“Penicillin, your  ding- ding’s best friend”  

2. an autographed copy of former Republican henchman Lee Atwater’s book, “Profiles in DisCOURAGEment ” featuring interviews with Reverend Ted Haggard, Mark Foley and Larry Craig,

 and 3. Free tickets to watch Dick Cheney emerge from his casket on the day of the summer equinox.

 Republican donors, next time time you’re asked , don’t give money! Obviously they have plenty!

Give them something they can use.

  

.

The DISCOVERY of Sarah Palin

 
In an odd juxtaposition of words, Sarah Palin had been hired by The Discovery Channel, so we can all learn from her. 
  
  
This is like hiring Iran’s president Achmadinejihad to officiate 
 at your Passover Seder at a cool million per matza board.
  
  
That’s right, one of the world’s damn dumbest broads,
a woman who goes to a a church where they speak in tongues……
a woman who believe that civilization is moving towards Armegeddon…..
a woman who is  the epic symbol of a person who knows nothing  about nuthin’  ….
a person who went to four or five colleges to get her Bachelors degree 
  is now the host of a new six-part documentary series  called “Sarah Palin’s Alaska”, so now we can all learn about Alaska.
 
Thank God, she ain’t from Kansas or the series
 would never end  as we’d all be
 
waiting for her to click her heels three times to get us home..
 
She’s getting a million bucks per episode.
 
  
And they say there’s a recession ??????
 
The Dicovery Channel news has also  announced that , for the first time ever, they will not be using tele-prompters for her narration, as the entire script will be written on her hand.
 
Regarding DISCOVERY’s other series 
 ‘LIFE’, narrated by Oprah Winfrey.
 
 
per Ms. Palin’s demands, Oprah’s show will be re-named
“Pro-LIFE”
 
Yay,thanks to Ms Palin and Discovery , now we can all DISCOVER stuff like
1.whether we’ll all be able to see Russia from Alaska, so we can all be prepared when we’re attacked by them Godless Commies.
2. how to shoot a wolf ( or, as Palin likes to say if more than one,‘wolfs’… ) from the air AND
3. how to slaughter a turkey behind you while you’re wishing everyone “Happy Thanksgiving”
  
Thank you Discovery, but no thanks.
Don’t leave the light on for me.
 I won’t be back from today on. 
 
Man , how low can TV ‘entertainment’ go? 
 Oh, much, much lower……MUCH LOWER, I betcha !
 
WHAT A COINCIDENCE…..on Friday,” The Daily Beast has confirmed from two sources that the so-called White House gatecrashers,
 whose prank ultimately cost presidential Social Secretary Desiree Rogers her job, are poised to take center stage once again as the most visible members of the upcoming Bravo series The Real Housewives of D.C. After one of the most visible reality-TV series auditions in history—yes, Bravo cameras were on hand as the Salahis arrived for that ill-fated White House event—the couple has now been fully embraced as the focal point of the series, expected to premiere in July.”
 
 All I can say is

Potato, Pah-tah-toe

 If you are a Conservative and/or Republican 
 
please feel free to dislike Obama. I don’t care.  But get your facts right.
 
 
For example, you stupid asses, “Keep your government hands off my Medicare”  makes no sense? Can you see why?
 
Let’s see if you can!
Multiple choice, please select your answer:
a. I don’t care why
b. No, I can’t
c. I told you that I don’t care
d. we need a real Maverick running things 
 
Like McCain or Palin who both call themselves ” Mavericks“. 
 
That’s like calling yourself a dog, then saying “Meow” all the time and crapping in a little sandy box, like the dog in the cartoon below.
 
 
 
That descriptive word comes from a family  named Maverick, from Texas no less, where they still live.  The last member of the Maverick  family to serve in the US Congress was Maury Maverick.
 
 From Wikipedia : He was elected to the Seventy-fourth Congress in 1934 with support from the Hispanic population of his district, and re-elected to the Seventy-fifth.3] In the House, he was an ardent champion of Franklin Delano Roosevelt‘s New Deal. He angered the conservative Democrats running the party back in Texas.. ..defeated in the primary for a third term in 1938. He returned to Texas where he was elected Mayor of San Antonio, again with support from minority voters, serving from 1939 to 1941, when the conservatives labelled him a Communist and defeated him.
  
SO MUCH FOR “MAVERICK”. LET’S TRY ‘LIBERAL’
 
 
  
 
 since  we  now have a new Conservative group  founded by Ginni Thomas,  wife of Justice Clarence Thomas, he being the Silent Stud of the Supremes.
  
Never says a word…ever …never and he’ll be doing that for the rest of his life on your nickel…..but he hates GOVERNMENT HANDOUTS.
  
The lovely Ginni  has started Liberty Central Inc.
  
  
which, in her words, will serve as
 “a way for concerned Americans to make a difference in  the fight for liberty  and against the liberal Washington agenda . “
  
Well,  this should guarantee objectiveness on his part.
  
Clarence, honey, if you want some nookie tonight ,
let the corporations give as much as they want.”
  
See , what Mrs SilentBob  needs to know
 
is that ‘Liberal’ and ‘Liberty’ are the same root.
If you are fighting for ‘Liberty”, you can’t be anti-Liberal.
 
 
Liberalism is “the defense of the rights and dignity of the individual against despotic or overbearing government” which is exactly what the current Liberal haters want .
 
 
  But they don’t because , as usual, they can’t connect the dots.
Roosevelt’s New Deal reflected liberalism….which was supported by real life Mavericks …………..like McCain and Palin like to say they are, but who .. … would have hated The New Deal,….. unlike real Mavericks did…..but the new Mav’s promise not to touch your Medicare…which grew out of philosphy and action of The New Deal ….the very same Medicare which the Tea Partiers don’t want touched…even though they’re against expanding it to everyone….because it’s Socialism, they say…..even though they don’t want to lose their government healthcare handout.
 
MEOW